


Pygmy II

by panda_shi



Series: the way we were [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-War, Comedy, Crack, M/M, child!iruka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-06
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-15 18:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panda_shi/pseuds/panda_shi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi was pretty sure, that this time around, even with all his love for Iruka, Iruka was going to make him shit his entire digestive system.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kakashi, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why I'm writing this -- I guess the first part just seemed a little rush and I find that I enjoy writing and fleshing out more of little Iruka's behavior be it with someone he is very attached to like Kakashi, or a very new person like Tenzou.

The plan had been simple. They were to meet at their usual spot -- a little secluded area by the hills that overlooked the village and the Hokage mountains with a great clear view of the constellations -- and have a picnic-dinner. Kakashi even brought the good stuff this time -- sushi and sashimi, Iruka's favorite plum sake and to be a bit on the extravagant side, Kakashi got chocolate fondue. The nice kind, the one he remembered Iruka looking at while picking up groceries when he had passed by some really expensive and fancy place in the street, with the chocolate fountains and coated fruits and candies -- Kakashi wouldn't be caught dead walking into one of those stores but Iruka had looked so forlornly at it even when he had been in a hurry.

Everything was set up and the only thing missing was Iruka himself. There, on the grass patch, was a picnic mat and sheet, with Kakashi lying on his back and reading from a well worn pages of a book. The sake sat in a little steel container, iced to stay cool. The stars were already out and clear that one could already see Orion's belt, and below Kakashi's feet, the village glowed and blinked like a spread of a million fireflies.

It was _perfect._

Except half an hour later (which really meant forty five minutes later after Kakashi's arrival since he had been fifteen minutes late from the actual meeting time), no Iruka was visible. Kakashi had to slow down with his reading too and by the time he was done with another _two_ chapters, Kakashi was beginning to think that possibly, the teacher with the perfect timing might have _forgotten_ their little date. Which made no sense because it was Iruka and Umino Iruka was the type who never forgot - no matter what happened - things like dates, birthdays, anniversaries, mother's day and father's day and Valentines day and White day and all the silly other days that popped up in the course of the year. In the event Iruka could not make it, he always sent word one way or the other because Iruka was _nice_ and _sensitive_ about other people's time and effort and other junk like that.

So when it reached a good hour and a half later, and not even a peep from Iruka, Kakashi started to really _wonder._

After a two minute debate, Kakashi sent a clone out.

And when another hour passed by and the clone popped out of existence to conclude that there was no Iruka in the mission room, the academy, not in the house they shared, the library, the market, the bar, that little bakery where Iruka always stopped for snacks on his way home, the memorial, the gates, the sex store where Iruka bought his favorite toys from -- there was just no Iruka _anywhere._

When the fact finally settled in Kakashi's head that he had been stood up (maybe not intentionally because Iruka wouldn't do that kind of thing), he packed everything before the sushi went bad and decided to check for himself at the on-field-roster if Iruka was sent out on an emergency task or something.

Kakashi dropped everything in the house first before he headed for the mission room once more. His clone had only taken a peak and sensed no presence that belonged to Iruka after all. Which was why it had startled Kakashi (from the inside), when one of the Chuunins running the administration office popped up just while Kakashi had been in the middle of sneaking a hand into the roster.

"There you are Kakashi-san! We've been looking for you! Quick, quick, there's been a situation and Hokage-sama needs you!" 

Obviously, when someone came to you and told you that 'there's been a situation', any solider worth their salt would have been on high alert and would have followed said Chuunin - and in Kakashi's case, he beat the Chuunin to the Hokage's office -- to find the _Sandaime_ sitting in his chair, holding an unlit pipe. Kakashi could almost feel the dread just as a memory from years ago decided to pop into his head just _then_ and to prove that Kakashi's guts had been right, 'Sandaime' waved him over towards his desk.

And surely enough, after a few coaxing words from the 'Sandaime', Iruka, in all his three foot glory, peered from the corner of the desk, dressed in an oversized shirt that no doubt had belonged to the Adult-Iruka. Kakashi can't even make out Iruka's hands and feet with how they were all tucked under the sleeve that Iruka held in a fist, feet stepping around the hem of the shirt. 

"Kashi-san!" Iruka beamed and attempted to run towards Kakashi, but only succeeded in stepping into his oversized uniform some more and pitched himself forward, face first into the floor.

Kakashi and 'Sandaime' (it was really, really Tsunade) both stared at the boy with a blink before Iruka lifted himself off the floor, pressing sleeves to his slightly red forehead that had taken all the impact. Kakashi had practice handling _this_ , so he knew what to do this time. He didn't even wait for the tears to come out because within seconds, he summoned Bisuke, his cutest summon and Iruka had forgotten all about the pain from the clumsy fall when he and the dog started rolling around the floor.

"Is it the same jutsu?" Kakashi finally tore his gaze off the tiny bundle of his lover, who was now giggling as Bisuke playfully nibbled on his arm.

"Possibly. We can't be too sure. He was at the archives." The fact that it was the same place Iruka was in the first this all happened didn't seem to escape Tsunade despite the henge, if the sigh was anything to go by. "He was dropping something off. That place is still in a mess and in the middle of it, after he turned to his four year old self, the boy panicked."

Kakashi could already hear the funeral bells ringing in his ears. The one week he managed some time off because of being constantly sent out on missions and this had to happen. There goes his chance to relax indeed.

"Place was turned upside down. It'll take a while for everything to be sorted out and an even longer while to reverse engineer the jutsu assuming the cure for it wasn't destroyed during the war."

Kakashi didn't need to be told that Konoha was running short on staff anyway. Kakashi felt his shoulder droop a little lower. Behind him, Iruka was attempting to carry Bisuke in his arms, like a newborn baby. Kakashi spared him one look before turning back to Tsunade-Sandaime.

"I'll take care of him. Last time it happened, it took about a month before he turned to normal. He also seems to remember me..."

Tsunade nodded. "We are working on it and trying to locate any information that survived about the jutsu. Unfortunately, the people who managed to come up with the cure last time are no longer with us. Till then…"

Kakashi knew a dismissal when it came up. "You know where to find us, Hokage-sama." 

Kakashi pretended not to see the wide and cheeky smirk that looked _wrong_ on the old man's face. Without another word, Kakashi whistled from behind his teeth that made Bisuke stand on attention and away from Iruka. He scooped Iruka off the floor using the hem of the shirt to wipe some of the dog drool off his cheek, watching Iruka squint as he stilled in Kakashi's hold and promptly behaved. Kakashi nearly forgot how _small_ Iruka really was, even back then. It only took about half of Kakashi's entire arm to support Iruka's weight while he made his way to the restrooms to wash up Iruka, mind already going a mile a second. He was going to need a _lot_ of stuff. Stuff that was going to last at least a _month._

When Kakashi threw out the box of 'junk' years ago when all _this_ first happened, it never occurred to him that such a thing would happen _again._ It was out of bitterness that he dumped everything into garbage bin anyway. And now he was stuck with basically _nothing_ to dress Iruka with, or feed with him, wash him with? Kakashi could already feel the migraine building behind both his eyes as he started drying Iruka's hands and face with a paper-towel from the dispenser. Kakashi tugged his mask down and knelt in front of Iruka, so that they were at eye level; he was going to have to wing this front, left, right, back and center.

"Okay. So, here's what we're going to do." Kakashi stared at the biggest pair of brown eyes and felt something in his chest squirm, like little puppy paws playfully scratching and digging against his ribs. "Your parents had to leave on an emergency mission, you understand what that means, right Iruka?"

Iruka nodded, loose hair bobbing.

"Because it was an emergency, they forgot to leave your stuff with me. Like last time. So we're going to have to get you a bunch of stuff to use until they return. They might take a while with their mission. Okay?"

Iruka nodded, seemingly not affected at all by being left behind. The boy just continued to stare at Kakashi, waiting with a bit of a rosy smile on his little round face. Kakashi couldn't help himself when he reached up and pushed the hair off Iruka's face, a gesture that was no stranger to him, except this was a child now and not the Iruka he shared a life with.

"All set?"

Iruka nodded and smiled toothily.

\--

It was rather familiar feeling walking past rows and rows of clothing and other kids' stuff like combs and toiletries and shoes. Kakashi let Iruka pick his own going-out clothes and his pajamas and just like he remembered, Iruka picked neutral colors and nothing bright and by the end of it all, Kakashi was walking home with paw printed pajamas, blue and green and gray shorts, white shirts with little prints on the side and front and a pair of sandals and house slippers. He still had Iruka tucked into the crook of his arm and still dressed in his oversized shirt as they strolled into the grocery store to pick out the stuff Iruka liked.

Until Kakashi remembered dinner. It was already rather late for it too.

The electric kettle was the first thing Kakashi turned on once he set Iruka on the kitchen counter of their home along with the shopping and grocery bags. The groceries were going to go into their proper shelves later because it was past ten in the evening already and Kakashi could hear Iruka's stomach growl. He was taking out the sushi and sashimi, pulling up a chair to sit beside Iruka.

"We'll get you a better chair tomorrow. You can eat on the counter tonight."

"Sushi~!"

"Save some room for dessert." Kakashi warned just as Iruka started to dig into his plate of sushi.

Kakashi completely ignored his own plate, watching Iruka try to be prim and proper with all the ingrained good manners his parents must have pushed into the boy's head, sitting there cross legged, upper teeth biting down on his lower lip in concentration as he tried to get most of the sushi intact with every scoop and clip of his chopsticks. Ten minutes later and Iruka only managed to eat about two pieces and was starting to look a little frustrated. Kakashi didn't even realize that he was already smirking as he took Iruka's chopsticks off his hand and scooped a piece, dipping it into the soy sauce and offering to Iruka's mouth.

Perhaps a few hours ago, Kakashi imagined this a little differently. He imagined narrower eyes, and secretive smiles as lips parted to take the offered food. It certainly wasn't rosy round cheeks, wide eyes and milk teeth chewing, cheeks puffed and grains of rice clinging to the sides of a small mouth. If Kakashi was being honest with himself, even in this form, Iruka was rather _cute._ Like a little puppy excited over being fed. Iruka was a lot happier being able to eat the sushi properly and Kakashi didn't mind feeding boy at all. In fact, he insisted Iruka try the wasabi and the pickled ginger and some of the sashimi but Iruka made a face, nose wrinkling, forehead and chin scrunching up as he shook his head. Five pieces of sushi later Iruka shook his head and gave a little burp.

"Cuse-me." He said, covering his mouth with both his little hands.

Kakashi wasn't even hungry as he chuckled as he wiped Iruka's mouth with a paper napkin.

"Think you still have room for dessert?"

Iruka looked thoughtful for a moment before he looked at his stomach then back up at Kakashi. He nodded.

"Hmmm, you sure?"

Iruka nodded once more, a little more vigorously.

They played a little staring game for a while, before Kakashi gave in and took out the fondue. He purposely moved slow, warming the chocolate as he was instructed when he bought the stuff earlier until it was nice and runny. The chopped fruits were already arranged in a fancy disposable box and when everything was set and Iruka was looking a little confused, Kakashi held out a piece of sliced strawberry, dipped it into the warm chocolate before offering it to Iruka. There were little cakes, bananas and marshmallows to choose from but Iruka had his eyes on the bright red strawberries. It was probably because of the color.

Kakashi was a little surprised that Iruka managed to eat a quarter of the container -- the boy had a monstrous stomach. Kakashi had to stop him when Iruka wanted to pick up the melted chocolate and _drink it_. Kakashi promised Iruka chocolate milk for breakfast instead which seemed to appease the boy -- funny how food and sweets seemed to distract Iruka. The boy didn't even notice Bisuke missing who was busy hiding in the living room.

It was after a shower and Iruka was tucked into his pajamas and little futon in one of the spare rooms in their shared house that Iruka spoke, yawning and a little sleepily, "I miss Kashi-san."

"Did you." Kakashi pushed the dried hair off Iruka's forehead.

"Kashi-san is nicer than the others." Iruka turned his head a bit towards Kakashi's hand, eyes closing. 

"Good night, Iruka." Kakashi whispered softly, something warm tinging the words as he watched Iruka fall asleep, curling towards his hand, lips parted and breathing deep.

Iruka was so small and helpless, tucked under a huge futon that he looked like he was drowning in white. The sheets made him look even smaller, too. Kakashi's hand was bigger than the boy's face, bones delicate that it didn't require much force to break. With Iruka asleep like this, it would be so easy for anyone to snap his neck off his spine and the boy wouldn't even know. Kakashi remembered how much Iruka had _cried_ that one time when the boy broke his arm, years ago, the first time all this happened. Kakashi remembered feeling helpless too, when what had grown to be his world back then was in so much _pain_ and he couldn't do anything. 

He'd do things differently now. Because Iruka was a part of him now, no matter what shape and size. He would do anything to make sure the boy was happy, unharmed and always content.

Kakashi leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the sleeping boy's temple.

And proceeded to lean against the wall, his hand still in Iruka's grip. He didn't have the heart to pull away, not when Iruka was sleeping so soundly and looked like _that._

\--

The first time it happened, Kakashi was sure he was going to shit his liver.

When it happened the second time and finally the third, Kakashi _knew_ that he was going to lose _all_ of his digestive system in the fucking toilet.

Iruka was climbing the window by the kitchen sink _again._ With a cup of water that was spilling all over the damn place because it was eight AM and it was time to water the lavender pots that lined the kitchen window. Iruka had his knee around the corner of the sink, three-quarters of his calf hanging off the edge and one hand on the kitchen faucet, while he reached forward with the wobbling grip and trying to pour the cup of water into the pots. One slip and Kakashi could see ten different ways Iruka could break his chin ergo his neck and the upper part of his sternum if he doesn’t brace his weight properly with that hand on the faucet. He will never understand why Iruka constantly insisted in putting himself in harm’s way when he had literally zero chakra training or any sort of balance training. When Kakashi had been Iruka’s age, he knew what was considered dangerous and what wasn’t, his limitations and what could fall under the category of stupid.

Iruka seemingly knew _none of that_ and yet still insisted in climbing over the kitchen sink to get to the window.

So when Kakashi walked back into the kitchen that fine morning after rummaging through the small connecting pantry and found Iruka like that (again!), it was his fine skills and honed speed that saved the boy from a crushed face and a morning full of tears and shrieking lungs. Iruka slipped and the glass tumbled down and cracked into the sink, but Kakashi had his hand under Iruka’s chin and his arm around his middle, supporting him from crushing bones and cartilage and saving him from a trip to the medics.

Kakashi wasn’t so sure about his own liver and spleen though. He had a feeling they had ruptured as he set Iruka down firmly on the kitchen counter and _stared_ at him. Absolutely _displeased._

And worried.

His heart was racing too.

“Iruka, what did I tell you about climbing over the kitchen window?”

At least Iruka was smart enough to look _guilty_ about it; Kakashi felt he was getting somewhere.

“I’m sorry I broke the glass, Kashi-san.”

Or not.

“It’s not about the glass, Iruka. You should know better by now. Climbing over high places without any training whatsoever will only result in you getting hurt. It's foolish to not know your own capabilities and this is one of them. If I didn't catch you, you would have hurt yourself." Kakashi was honestly worried and when he saw that his words, slow and gentle as they may be seemed to be attracting tears than understanding, Kakashi sighed and took Iruka by the shoulders gently and squeezed. He had to make the boy understand somehow. "I know you're just trying to be responsible and taking care of things. And I'm not saying you can't. But you have to be careful too. If you want to be able to climb over ledges and not hurt yourself, I can teach and train you to do so. But until then, don't do anything foolish without my permission. Let me help you."

Iruka nodded slowly, reaching up with a fist and rubbing at a teary eye and nodding some more.

"M'kay, Kashi-san. I'm sorry."

It sounded so earnest and so _small_ that Kakashi felt his chest twist and flutter at the same time.

"I don't like to see you hurt, Iruka." He said, a little softly as he reached out and pushed the hair off the boy's face.

"I'm sorry, Kashi-san." Iruka said again and swallowed, taking hold of Kakashi's hand.

Iruka's hand was so small, that it could only wrap a fist around two of Kakashi's fingers. Looking at it for a moment, the over protective and territorial tendencies in Kakashi's subconscious behavior flared. And Iruka was looking at him with those big wide brown eyes and looking so apologetic and so scared too, and Kakashi knew that it was also the kind of look the adult Iruka would have worn when he was was trying not to disappoint, when he was trying to make Kakashi proud (when he always did, anyway, even without trying).

Kakashi felt the words sort of jumble in his throat, and when he tried to say something smart, but for some reason, he wasn't able to.

Instead, Kakashi resorted to the easiest thing to do in situations like this; he bribed Iruka with food.

"Uhmm, do you want to have breakfast outside? Pancakes. You want that?"

Iruka scrambled up on the counter to his feet and started nodding and reaching out for Kakashi with both arms and making excited noises.

Kakashi didn't understand what Iruka was doing at first but when Iruka leaped forward, pitching himself against Kakashi, he understood.

Hugging a tiny Iruka was becoming one of his favorite things, apparently.

\--

Maybe it was a horrible idea to take Iruka out for pancakes. Not that Iruka was misbehaving or anything like that but Kakashi felt his guts churn as he watched the boy proceed to empty the entire bottle of honey over his stack of pancakes. Iruka's plate was drowning in it and Kakashi could only watch in mute horror and absolute disgust as the boy started forking his breakfast into his mouth. Iruka was making happy noises too, humming and dipping fork into the pool of honey on his plate and then eating all _that._ Kakashi knew and understood Iruka's love for sweets. Iruka's sweet tooth was probably about as sweet as the man himself. Kakashi didn't mind indulging Iruka in his love for sweets, he always did anyway. 

Sometimes it would be a muffin for a snack -- the ones Iruka liked best were the soft moist ones with raisins and carrot and bran, and it sounded pretty healthy and less sweet up until Kakashi caught a whiff. Sometimes, when Kakashi's mission took him close to River's terrain, he would purposely stop by a small family-owned candy-store that made star-shaped hard candy -- Iruka told him once that they were a childhood favorite and it never failed to elicit a dimply smile from Iruka every time Kakashi came home with a box of it. Once, during Iruka's graveyard shift at the desk, Kakashi even got him a box of cocoa-coated-dates from Sand once and during the apprehension of the yearly Chuunin exams, Kakashi got him peanut-butter cakes to cheer him up. So it wasn't like Kakashi _denied_ Iruka things, he practically drowned the man in them.

But _this?_

This was a bit _too much._

Kakashi watched helplessly as Iruka chucked more honey on the last piece of pancake on his plate. Kakashi's hands darted out then and gently cupped the small hands to stop it from pouring any more.

"I think that's enough honey now, ne? If you eat more, your stomach might hurt."

Iruka blinked wide eyes at him and stared at the bottle of honey in his hands that were trapped in Kakashi's hands.

"Oh." The boy looked a little disappointed.

Kakashi told himself to be _firm._

"You might not be able to play later. But if you insist, then go ahead. It's your choice. Don't say I didn't warn you." Kakashi released Iruka's hand and smirked a little inwardly. He had the cat in the bag, he was going to win this and Iruka wouldn't be able to resist the grown-up logic of Kakashi's reasoning.

When Iruka poured more honey on his plate, Kakashi felt his shoulders slump and feet want to kick something.

Damn.

The kid was stubborn!

(But then, that was Iruka for you.)

\-- 

"Boss!" Bisuke came crawling over to Kakashi begging for mercy with that one word, caked in mud with leaves stuck on his fur and looking little beyond pathetic.

Kakashi honestly cannot recall a time where he was made a witness to _Bisuke_ looking beyond _exhausted._ Bisuke's legs were already shaking, his head was drooping and the lolling tongue was not because Bisuke was a happy dog. In fact, Bisuke was a very miserable dog. Since that morning, the dog was subjected to Iruka playing fetch, tag, chasing rabbits through rabbit holes, playing in the sandpit, chasing beetles, more fetch and more tag. In all honesty, Bisuke enjoyed the first four hours or so. But it was already sunset and Iruka didn't look like he was slowing down and while Bisuke too loved playing in the mud, even he, a ninken, had his limits.

And it wasn't just Bisuke.

Pakkun was already up a tree from their earlier game of tag _hiding._

The rest of the pack were scattered all around, playing dead possum on the grass.

Kakashi was pretty amazed that Iruka was still practicing cartwheels and front tumbles. The boy didn't even look like a boy anymore. 

Kakashi decided he was going to have to burn the clothes Iruka was wearing. It was going to be less trouble buying him something new than scrubbing all that muck off the fabric.

"Look at him. He's stronger than you. Shouldn't you be embarrassed?" Kakashi cocked his eyebrow, flipping a page from his book. 

"We've been playing since _breakfast!"_

"Good exercise."

"Without _breaks!"_

"It's been a while since I took you boys out for endurance training."

"Why don't you play fetch with him all day then?" Bisuke wasn't _whining._ He was _whimpering._

"Look at him." Kakashi looked over and found Iruka attempting to stand on his arms. "He's got more energy than you."

_"Boss!"_

Kakashi sighed. Maybe it was time to go back. He was already done reading his book anyway and he wanted to save the juicy parts for later or something. The book closed with a snap and that was Bisuke's cue to flop on his belly and play dead possum too while Kakashi got up from his perch by the trunk of a tree and dusted his pants.

"Iruka! Time to go home!" Kakashi pretended to not see the pout and hear the soft 'aww' as he walked towards the boy, standing over him while Iruka remained sitting on the grass. Or rather, plopped on the grass, much like the ninken. "The dogs are tired and you've been playing _all day."_

Wordlessly, Iruka got up on his feet, stood straight with his hands behind his back, waiting. Kakashi took a moment to really look at Iruka. He was promptly reminded of Team Seven's younger years, when they had started doing D-rank missions and were subjected to cleaning out swamps or hunting for objects during the monsoon seasons when things were rancid, wet and muddy. Iruka was so dirty that Kakashi himself felt like he needed a bath just from _looking_ at him. The only thing that looked remotely human on the blob of a mess standing in front of Kakashi were Iruka's wide brown eyes.

Kakashi whistled the ninken's dismissal and they all gave grateful barks before poofing out of existence. Iruka looked a little sad.

"Come on." Kakashi held his hand for Iruka to take.

Which Iruka did. A little too happily. After staring at it for a long while.

And that was pretty much how Tenzou found them, walking hand in hand down a dirt path in the forest towards the Hatake-Umino household. Kakashi felt his shoulder-blades knot and stiffen like forged iron when Tenzou made an appearance a little towards his left and left Iruka shrieking and hiding behind his leg from fright. No one was supposed to bother him for a week, that was the deal and the fact that there was someone bothering him was making Kakashi feel a touch apprehensive.

"Senpai, this is from…" Tenzou stopped mid speech to _stare_ at the mess hiding behind Kakashi's leg, looking a little unimpressed if not a touch curious.

"Tencho-san!" Iruka grinned, waving muddy hands and face showing another aspect that he was actually human. Iruka beamed toothily at Tenzou.

"Tenzou." Kakashi's tone was bland, just like the rest of his face.

Tenzou wordlessly handed Kakashi a scroll and then crouched before Iruka and started talking to him. Kakashi only paid half of his attention to the ongoing conversation as he read the scroll and and felt his stomach clench, twist and then plummet towards the core of the earth.

"What happened to you, Iruka?" Tenzou asked.

"Kashi-san let me play with the dogs! And - and he took me out for breakfast! I ate all my pancakes!" 

"Did he, now." Tenzou was _smirking._

"Hmm! And then he said if I ate all the honey, I would get sick and can't play! But I played! But Kashi-san said it was time to go home so we are going home now!" 

"Proved him wrong, didn't you?"

"Kashi-san is the nicest." Iruka said softly, toes curling and wiggling in his sandals. 

Kakashi rolled the scroll up and tucked it into his pocket, feeling his mood go sour. "Come on, Iruka." He said, bending down and plucking the boy off the ground and not caring that he was getting his own vest dirty.

The contents of the scroll demanded that he be sent out solo for a delegation in Sand as Konoha's General. It was nothing but a political face, formalities and strengthening bonds after the war and while it wouldn't have been much of a big deal on normal days, on this particular time and situation, Kakashi wanted to decline the mission even when he knew that he didn't have that option. Tenzou had the decency to look at him apologetically when their gazes met as Kakashi tucked Iruka under his chin. Kakashi knew that Tenzou knew and understood and the reason for his reluctance to go was the small dirty bundle sitting and yawning softly in his arms.

Kakashi promptly started walking home.

"I'll see you around, ne, Iruka?" Tenzou called out.

"Bye Tencho-san!" Iruka waved over Kakashi's shoulder.

When Tenzou vanished in a swirl of wind, Iruka tugged at Kakashi's vest collar. "Kashi-san? Can you do that too? Like Tencho-san?"

Kakashi was only paying Iruka a small portion of his attention, his mind was already busy calculating travel time, the actual time needed for such meetings, and the likeliness that he would be sent to another village after Sand. Kakashi found that even he couldn't predict how all this would go and found that the more he thought about it, the more his hold tightened around Iruka.

"What did he do?"

"He disappeared!"

"Yes, I can do that."

"So cool!"

The rest of Iruka's babble were tuned out. Even after they got home and Kakashi spent more time scrubbing Iruka clean because the boy was still feeling playful and kept wiggling under all the soap suds and sponge. After a dinner of cup ramen, Kakashi left Iruka sitting on the counter with his plastic cup while he finished clearing up the dirty dishes. From the reflection of the glass window above the sink, Kakashi kept his focus on Iruka, who was singing a song under his breath, a little squeaky and a little off tune (something that Kakashi knew Iruka would grow out of because the Iruka he was with now, the amazing, sexy, sweet Iruka, had an _incredible_ voice when he _sang_ ), feet kicking back and forth and toes wiggling as he took sips of his milk in between the song words. Iruka had a milk mustache and seemed unaware by it. The image on the glass was enough to make Kakashi smile a little unhappily. 

He really did not want to leave this behind.

But he had no choice.

Briefly, he debated stuffing Iruka into a traveling bag and telling the boy that it was a game of hide and seek. Iruka would buy it, he was sure (kids were kind kind of stupid that way) and Iruka loved games anyway. No one would ask Kakashi about the extra baggage. And if he had to show up inlaces, he was pretty sure he could hide Iruka under his traveling cloak. Maybe even strap him to his leg or something with a sling. The bag idea was starting to sound ridiculously good and Kakashi honestly felt that he could pull it off. Besides, if Iruka started making too much noise, there was always the Sharingan. 

"Finished, Kashi-san!" Iruka held up his cup with two hands, like some sort of winning prize.

Kakashi tried to remember where Iruka might have kept his spare bag as he plucked the cup from Iruka and started to rinse it.

The crux of the matter was that Kakashi had exactly till noon the next day to find someone he could trust to watch over Iruka while he was gone because that was when the briefing and discussion with the council would end and that was when they were going to head off to Sand with Temari and Kankuro in tow. Kakashi had already gone through the list of candidates in his head that he could potentially trust his life with and most of them were either dead, on a mission (damn, Gai), very and severely occupied (Naruto, Sakura) or well, _dead._ Which was about ninety-five percent of the list, really.

It only left Tenzou and Kakashi knew that Tenzou was going to lurk around in town because he was on forced medical leave. Something about blood platelets and recovery or some such. Kakashi didn't care about the details.

The traveling bag was probably in the attic, where Iruka kept most of his old reference books.

Kakashi debated really digging out the bag.

It was one of those flap like cover types too, so it wasn't like Iruka was going to suffocate.

"Kashi-san?" 

Kakashi blinked when he realized that he was staring at Iruka for a long time. The boy looked worried.

"Are you okay?"

There was no way in _hell_ that Kakashi was leaving Iruka behind with anyone but Tenzou.

And even then, Kakashi was severely _reluctant._

"Yes, Iruka. Just a little tired." Kakashi smiled, a little forced and a little ill around the edges before he approached Iruka, intent on picking him off the counter to tuck him into bed. He ended up pressing his hands on the marble top and pulling a stool instead, sitting himself in front of Iruka. "Listen, I have to go tomorrow."

"Go where?" Iruka blinked, _frowning._

"A mission. And --" Kakashi's mind supplied bag, bag, bag like a crazy mantra. He could always say that the child inside was his pet puppet or something. He's bullshitted his way through a lot of shit, why wouldn't people buy this particular bullshit anyway? "I'm going to have to leave you with someone else."

"Oh." Iruka looked like he wanted to _cry_ but instead, simply nodded. Kakashi wanted to _shake_ him. "Okay."

It was ridiculous how Iruka was just so fucking _agreeable_ to all this. Can't the kid see that this was so hard for Kakashi _too?_

"I might be gone for a long while, it's a big mission. And it's really important."

Iruka remained quiet, staring at a spot on Kakashi's apron.

"For the village and all. You understand right? You're going to be a ninja one day, too."

Kakashi knew he was bullshitting.

And Iruka was still _quiet._

"So I'm going to leave you with Tenzou. He's a good guy. He's very nice too. I trust him." 

Iruka _shrugged._

"He'll stay here, in my house with you. He helped me build it before, so he knows most of his way around. If he does something you don't like, you have my full permission to make his life a living hell."

Kakashi hoped that the joke would coax Iruka into some cheer. It only got him a small and short nod.

Kakashi was about ready to break something.

This was hard enough already without Iruka being a sulky brat. It wasn't like Kakashi wanted to leave him behind _anyway_ , damnit.

"I figured I should tell you." Kakashi said, voice softening as he stared at the floor. "I really don't want to leave you behind, Iruka. You know that."

It was a slip up and Kakashi realized it too late because even when Iruka was an adult, when Kakashi was sent away for long periods of time, despite the kisses and nuzzles and the little jokes and the plan making they'd talk about for when Kakashi returned, Kakashi could see the tiny lines of worry around the corners of Iruka's eyes. Much like now, with how the lines wrinkled Iruka's small chin and how his eyebrows pinched and his eyes got all watery. There was a certain silence and apprehension under all the kisses and love Iruka would direct at Kakashi before his departure, kind of like the brush of cold hues of dawn under the glistening warmth of the rising sun. 

Kakashi shook his head.

"Let's get you to bed." He sighed, and plucked Iruka up from the counter and carried him to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Iruka didn't say anything through it all, even after Kakashi whispered good night and heard a soft mumbled reply from under the bundled covers. The slight click of the door was enough for Kakashi to loose all his energy and suddenly feel old beyond his years. He spent the rest of the night preparing after that and then lying wide awake in a bed that was far too big for him and far too empty. He sent the message out to Tenzou earlier before he tucked himself into bed. He would prepare everything else in the morning, make a list or something.

It wasn't like he didn't trust Tenzou.

It was just that this was about _Iruka._

Not his pet plant or dog or his money or whatever.

It was _Iruka._

Kakashi managed to finally doze off after midnight and was suddenly awoken when he heard footsteps in the hall and the door to his bedroom open a little wider from its previously ajar state. He watched as Iruka walked in, rubbing an eye and sniffling and half asleep, tugging his paw printed pillow behind him like a potato sack. Iruka sounded like he was crying and when he got close enough to the bed, sure enough, Iruka had been crying. Kakashi said nothing and made no movement as he watched Iruka from the corner of his eye crawl under the blankets and curl around the space by Kakashi's side, hugging his pillow. The boy probably didn't even know what he was doing but it literally tore Kakashi's chest to shreds. Iruka was asleep within seconds, very still and breathing softly, clutching as his pillow and small back just brushing against Kakashi's side.

Kakashi didn't even think about it when he spooned the boy against him and pressed his lips over the crown of Iruka's little head, holding him tight and close and not getting a wink of sleep the entire night.

He wasn't even gone yet and he was missing Iruka so much already.


	2. Don't stand there like a leek in a tattie-field, Tenzou.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has to leave for his mission and now it's up to Tenzou to take care of Iruka. Except he was worse than Kakashi when it came to kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think if this chapter can make people laugh, then I think my work is done.

Tenzou was sitting patiently against the kitchen counter, holding a cup of coffee that Kakashi had given him earlier and watching Kakashi and Iruka sulk at their late breakfast. Kakashi, more or less, resembled a corpse. The man had bags the size the saucers under both his eyes and looked severely tired and worn, like he fought a war while he was trying to sleep or something. Tenzou wasn't really surprised if that had been the case. He was aware of just how attached Kakashi was to Iruka.

He was also aware of just how territorial Kakashi can get.

(When you serve in ANBU, these sort of things had an uncanny habit of revealing themselves one way or the other.)

Given how small Iruka was, Tenzou couldn't really blame Kakashi.

The man was practically _married_ to Iruka, and the only thing that was seriously lacking in their seemingly sickly sweet relationship (though, Tenzou knew it wasn't always like that -- what relationship was anyway?) was the four layered cake, starched formal kimonos, a honeymoon trip and a buffet to serve hungry ninjas. Tenzou didn't think Kakashi was the kind to do rings and nonsense like that, but then the guy was pretty good in being romantic and always seemed to be getting Iruka stuff anyway, so he could be wrong in that department. Tenzou remembered Kakashi taking detours to the market during missions and that one time when he returned to camp during an undercover assignment and sealed an entire cotton duvet and matching cotton sheets in a scroll to make it easier travel. And that had been during the time he and Iruka had _not_ moved in together into their current house.

Hell, Tenzou remembered how many times he had to replenish his energy by eating _more_ in a day during the construction of the Hatake-Umino household.

He also had an ongoing tallying record of how many times he had to make Kakashi a bed, where each creation had to be stronger than its predecessor. It was so ridiculous that it reached a point when Tenzou had so lovingly dubbed himself The Bed Maker.

Crock of shit.

Tenzou set his cup down and brushed his thoughts aside as Kakashi got to his feet and started putting away his plate that was still too full and getting more coffee. Tenzou had declined breakfast but accepted the coffee if only because it was Kakashi who made the eggs and that was something Tenzou didn't want to touch even if it was edible. It was really all Iruka's doing to be honest. There was a time when the couple argued and Tenzou had been in the middle of it (or rather, happened to be around earshot) when Iruka just went off while drowning himself in a bottle of whiskey and had been - and Iruka would never admit this when sober - going off about how annoying Kakashi was without really saying Kakashi's name. Tenzou still remembered the words in verbatim and was subjected to more ramblings because he was the one who took Iruka home to his senior.

"He overboils the miso. Hundred times I've told him that the flame must be low, that he must continuously stir it because miso is not fucking cake batter you moron! And it taste like eggs! But I love him so much so I eat the garbage he makes and tells him he's such a fine cook -- asshole!"

Tenzou ducked his head when he felt the smile creeping up his lips and instead kept his gaze on Iruka who was sitting on a high chair that Tenzou made earlier upon arrival. Iruka, who was now poking at his cereal bowl and attempting to stack the mushed colored rings on the surface of the already rosy colored milk. Iruka has been doing that throughout breakfast and Tenzou wondered if it was because Kakashi was leaving. The entire meet and greet earlier didn't really provide Tenzou with any information on what _exactly_ was going on or what had happened the night before but he can put two and two together.

Iruka pushed himself off his new chair, dropping his spoon inside his bowl and tried to climb down without asking for any help, toes wiggling as he attempted to touch the floor. Kakashi beat Tenzou to plucking Iruka off the chair and setting him on the floor and boy simply darted out of the kitchen and into the living room where a clattering sound resonated along with a shuffle of paper.

Tenzou wondered if that was Kakashi's cue to follow the boy.

"Senpai…"

Kakashi simply stayed put though, clearing away Iruka's breakfast.

"I'll give you a run down of what he likes and doesn't like." Kakashi sounded bland, bored, unconcerned and almost dismissive.

Tenzou knew that it was just a pile of bullshit.

It was there in the lines of Kakashi's shoulders, the slight pinch around the corner of his eye and the sound of his voice, too. Kakashi was always like this when it came to Iruka. A tiny Iruka shouldn't be that much of a difference. Kakashi didn't speak until he was done clearing up everything and the clean dishes were stacked and drying. Tenzou remembered being in Kakashi's apartment back then, before Iruka happened, remembered waking up pleasantly sore in the mornings and having breakfast (or whatever it was Kakashi had in his fridge, if any at all) and never was Kakashi _this_ meticulous with order. 

Tenzou chalked it up as Iruka's influence. 

"Breakfast is at seven, eight being the latest if he goes to bed later than usual. Cereal and oatmeal are on the third shelf to your right in the pantry. He takes chocolate-milk with his breakfast if it's not cereal or oatmeal. Don't feed him fried rice, he hates it. If the weather is good, he'll play outside after breakfast. He forgets to come in to eat lunch sometimes so you're going to have to call him. It's good to take him around the village so do that in the afternoons and get him a snack while you're at it. He'll usually tell you what he wants. For dinner, I prefer to give him something not to heavy. Don't feed him too much ramen. Here's a list of Iruka's allergies. And --"

"Kashi-san! Kashi-san!" Iruka came running into the kitchen, holding a piece of paper in his hand and dimples dotting his cheeks. 

Iruka held the piece of paper up that had a scribble of Kakashi and a big house (though to Tenzou it looked like a big hut), surrounded by grass and a huge tree with a pond standing towards the side. There was nothing artistic about the picture, nothing impressive even. Not the big yellow sun (which was just a circle and lines sticking out of said circle; it resembled a pin cushion), or the weird firecracker like shapes in the grass which Tenzou assumed were the lilies that grew outside in the garden or the clouds. 

Not even the cobblestone pathway.

"For you, Kashi-san! So you don't get homesick!" 

It was a stupid drawing. It didn't look like _anything._ But Iruka looked so damn earnest and so damn happy giving the silly piece of paper to Kakashi, the paper which looked so fragile in Kakashi's hands, and Kakashi who looked so utterly gobsmacked that it was, dare Tenzou say it, kind of beautiful.

Magnificent.

This little exchange had more impact and more feeling than _Yume_ and that was a classic, one of the best black and white dramas ever produced. _This_ little exchange was enough to make Tenzou bite his lower lip the same way he would when he got so into his shows and would dig his heels into the floor and feel like there were stars in his eyes. 

By the powers of the heavens, Kakashi and Iruka were their own fucking drama show!

Tenzou couldn't believe it.

And the problem was, it was actually kind of _good!_

"I'll keep this safe." Kakashi said, taking the drawing and folding it, before kneeling down and pushing Iruka's unbrushed hair off his face. "Thank you, Iruka."

"Come back safe, ne, Kashi-san?" Iruka said, and Tenzou was subjected, with mute horror (and fascination because Iruka could make it big as a child actor, the little rascal) to Iruka getting a little teary eyed and holding on to Kakashi's thumb, his other hand fisting on the crease of Kakashi's pants.

"I will." Kakashi said and tugged Iruka over and embraced him.

Tenzou couldn't take it.

He bolted (gracefully) out of the kitchen.

And once outside in the garden, he started to _wibble_ like a little fanboy who just saw the climax of their favorite drama series.

\-- 

The truth of the matter was that Tenzou really had no experience with children whatsoever. The only time he was ever exposed to 'children' was when he was saddled with Team Seven and even then, it was a little hard to call them children because they were in their teenaged years. Tenzou never had a genin team, certainly didn't spend any time around the Academy and thus had no exposure as to what to do with human beings who were shorter than five feet. 

Kakashi didn't exactly tell him much either.

And ANBU didn't have a manual for that kind of thing, as well.

So Tenzou was trying not to have a panic attack when he looked out the kitchen window in the middle of slicing carrots into the back yard and found Iruka's head stuck in the ground. He darted out in a flash so fast thinking it was an enemy or some sort of asshole's way of playing a sick joke.

Except when he appeared and so suddenly feeling like he had asthma, Iruka simply popped his head out of the hole in the ground and looked up at him with soil stains on his face and blinking. Iruka looked _confused_.

Tenzou looked like he was going to _explode_. From panic.

"Hello, Tencho-san."

"Iruka, _what_ are you doing?"

Iruka shrugged and flopped down on the grass. The hole on the ground was small and looked hand dug and sure enough, Iruka's hands and under his nails were as brown as the soil under the grass. Tenzou wondered why on earth would Iruka dig a hole in the ground.

"Boten-san said that when ostriches are scared and they want to hide, they put their heads inside the ground. He showed me a picture."

Who the _hell_ was Boten-san anyway?

"Did he."

And why on earth was Iruka mimicking a fucking ostrich in the first place!

"It's important to know how they feel. Papa said so."

Tenzou felt his IQ just diminish because he couldn't keep up with the thought process. "It's important to know how ostriches feel?" Tenzou never sounded so unsure in his _life_ than he did then and there.

"No, no, silly Tencho-san! Papa said it's important to know how _everyone_ feels. That I should try to feel what they feel too so I can help."

Ah, so that's what it is.

Tenzou was starting to understand why the grown up Iruka was the way he was.

"What if they don't need help?" Tenzou asked, crouching beside Iruka's soiled form.

"Everybody needs help with something." Iruka sounded a little too wise for his age.

Tenzou felt a smile tug at his lips. "I guess."

Then Iruka pointed at the hole in the ground. 

"Tencho-san, you wanna try to see what an ostrich feels like? So you can help them when they're scared?" Iruka looked _sad_. And it was all because of the ostriches of the world.

"Uhmm…" 

Tenzou wasn't sure what to do in this kind of situation. On one side, he could simply walk away and tell Iruka that he can go save the ostriches of the world and that he didn't like the long legged fowls anyway. Or he could risk disappointing the boy, making him cry (and he had spent the past hour or so coaxing him to play outside after Kakashi left) and have him tell Kakashi that he wasn't treated right or something. And then Kakashi would be so disappointed in him when Kakashi _trusted_ him to take care and keep Iruka happy and comfortable during his absence. It was an honor, really because Tenzou _knew_ just how much Iruka _meant_ to Kakashi. 

So Tenzou gave in.

And stuck his head inside the hole like a goddamn scared ostrich.

\-- 

If Tenzou had any plans in wanting children in the future (not that he had in the first place), those plans were shredded, burned and the ashes tossed into a raging ocean.

Iruka was one _crazy_ child.

Unless it was breakfast, Iruka always just wanted to _play_. The boy ran and bumped into walls, crawled and got his knees scuffed and scratched, he would attempt to climb trees and fall and then start to _cry_. When Iruka got really hurt sometime in the middle of the first week because he had been trying to catch a cicada from the sycamore tree by the pond, Tenzou lost it. Iruka had been climbing the tree and dangling from a small branch, reaching forward and Tenzou had been in the laundry room, scrubbing mud off Iruka's clothes (because the washing machine just wasn't working in getting the clothes clean anymore) when just a moment ago, when he looked out the window, Iruka was on the grass. 

The next there was a splash and Iruka was in the pond, one of the koi fish flopping by the grass from the fall of the branch and Iruka's weight and he was _crying_. Tenzou had rushed out in half a heart beat, tossed the koi back into the pond and yanked the crying child off the pond and dropped him on the grass like an unruly pup where he proceeded to cry and hold his hands to his face. Tenzou could already see the red scratches on the boy's side, arms and legs, and there was an ugly one on his cheek. He was sopping wet, his clothes were rip and a glance at the pond told Tenzou that the other pair of his sandals was the bottom. 

And that one of the koi fish was swimming funny.

It was probably squashed under Iruka's ass from the fall.

Tenzou didn't know he was making his infamous _doom face_ until Iruka looked up at him, stopped crying and bolted for the house.

If the boy could run, then the boy was fine.

So Tenzou let him be for the meantime as he proceeded to fix the garden _yet again_ , covering all the holes (Tenzou didn't even want to know why Iruka dug the damn things in the first place, and it couldn't have still been about the ostriches) and fixing the damaged shrubs, bushes and flower beds. It was so strange how Iruka was so well behaved in the house, all prim and proper while sitting at the table, only staying in one place with his crayons and sketchbook and picture books but once outdoors and _alone_ , he was _horrible_. Iruka didn't even misbehave when he was with Tenzou and they were walking around town. He usually just walked beside him, kept up with him and stared at things with a wide eyed wonder. Sometimes the boy would stop to watch something or the other but otherwise, Iruka was a perfect _angel_.

Which was why Tenzou was bent over the kitchen sink cupboard, trying to coax the boy out, two hours later. He let Iruka sulk and have some time on his own but now, the boy was hiding under a large kitchen towel, huddled against the far corner and shaking. Tenzou was at his wits' end trying to get him out. Apparently, the boy was so scared of Tenzou and his face that he didn't want to come out _at all._

Tenzou was reduced to _begging._

And here he was still trying to get over that stunt with the ostrich-thing.

Screw having children and that bullshit.

He was going to be fucking single and never touching another woman in his _life._

Just in case.

"Iruka, _please_ come out. You're wet!"

Iruka didn't move.

"You know you could have hurt yourself from that fall!"

Iruka ducked his head further.

"And let me take a look at those scrapes. I know they hurt. Come on, _please?_ "

Kakashi wasn't just going to kill him. Kakashi was going to fucking butcher him and feed him to the koi fish in his backyard. Including the funny swimming one!

Tenzou knew he was dead meat if he didn't fix this.

When Iruka still didn't budge, out of frustration, Tenzou grabbed his short hair with his fingers, pulled viciously till he felt the sting in his scalp before sucking a deep and long, meditative breath.

Screw it all. He could do this.

Kakashi could understand (assuming he found out about all this) that what Tenzou was about to do was for Iruka's own good.

With all the serious (ergo scary) face that made even Naruto quake in his knees, Tenzou grabbed Iruka by the scruff of his shirt, dragged him out using force the same way one would with a pet that wouldn't listen and carried the strangely very still boy towards the kitchen counter. He plopped Iruka there on the cold surface, pulled his clothes off and kept him in once place by holding him down and channeling chakra, pressing the common first-aid jutsu against the cuts and scrapes and healing them so that Iruka was as good as new. He then picked the boy up and promptly gave him a shower even if he was only damp because of his wet clothes. Twenty minutes later, Iruka was sitting on a chair, dressed and clean with his hair brushed and smelling of baby powder.

Except Iruka looked like he was choking on his own suppressed tears and quaking under Tenzou's gaze.

Tenzou told himself to not give a crap right now.

"I have a lot of things to finish and I have to get dinner started. Go sit in the living room and play with your blocks. No more going outside for you today, you've had enough."

Iruka nodded. "Y-Yes, T-T-Tencho-s-san." 

Obediently, Iruka headed for the living room as he was instructed.

And for the next three hours, Tenzou had blessed silence save for the slight rustling noise coming from the living room. For the first time, without him chasing Iruka around the yard and having the boy wind him, an adult, an ANBU, around his tiny fingers, Tenzou managed to finish everything. The laundry was done, the mess was cleared and dinner was finally sitting in the pans only needing a few more minutes of simmering before being served. Tenzou even managed to shower and change too which was a first because he only managed to take care of himself when Iruka was put to bed and the house finally breathed.

Tenzou kept his senses open and stretched and Iruka never left his place. Save for a few sneezes here and there, there were no sounds of movement. At all. When Tenzou called Iruka in for dinner, the boy came up to him, sat quietly in his high chair and ate his food. He gave Tenzou the customary 'thank you for the meal, Tencho-san' and then made no further fuss.

For once since all this started, Tenzou tucked Iruka into bed with little to almost no effort at all.

Tenzou was right with his philosophy.

Sometimes fear was the answer, indeed. It worked with Team Seven really well, after all.

Iruka just needed to be put in his place.

\--

So Tenzou might have felt a _little_ bad after what happened. Out of guilt and because he couldn't shake the look of Iruka's face when he peered at him from the corner of his eyes, he got him a new coloring book. Iruka spent most of his time staring at the pictures of the book that Tenzou left beside all his crayons. But that was all Iruka did. 

He stared at his sketch book, at his picture book and his coloring book. Sometimes, he would stare out the window where his building blocks and colored cushions laid around, and apparently, it was his new favorite napping place. A little after noon just when Tenzou was almost done with fixing lunch, he would find Iruka asleep under the window, blocks half piled and head on a cushion. He didn't really give it much thought and let Iruka nap as much as he wanted. The boy played too much and was an early riser, so maybe he was just tired.

Tenzou was in the middle brewing tea an hour or two after their usual lunch time when Iruka puttered in to the kitchen, hair mussed and rubbing an eye, finally awake from his nap. He looked sleepy and a little shaky, but that was normal for someone who just woke up, wasn't it? 

Up until Tenzou noticed how _flushed_ Iruka was and how his eyes were a little glassy, and red rimmed like he had been crying. He was also sniffing and the wet cough and sneeze that followed made Tenzou get to his feet and pick up the boy, setting him on the counter and pressing his palm on Iruka's forehead. 

That was when Tenzou started to loose his shit.

"Holy shit, Iruka! You're burning up!" 

Iruka coughed and then started to cry, holding his head and rubbing his chest, whimpering and shaking his head. Once the coughing started, it refused to _stop_. It was sticky and rough, the kind that hurt the throat and left the lungs feeling like it was filled with molasses coated needles. Tenzou quickly got some lukewarm water and Iruka couldn't even swallow. 

It made sense all of a sudden why Iruka couldn't really finish his breakfast. At the time, Tenzou thought that it was just Iruka sulking because he did that sometimes.

Iruka couldn't talk when Tenzou asked what hurt the most because he must have been in so much pain from the cough alone. The boy was shaking from the sudden chill and Tenzou could feel the whisper of an aneurysm start to form in his head because Iruka had been fine! He was still moving about and didn't really show the normal symptoms of being sick!

Damn children and complex behavior.

"Okay, okay. I'm taking you to a medic. Stay right there! Don't move!"

Tenzou tore Iruka's closet open and tried to look for warmer clothes and found _none_. So he took the first thing he saw that seemed warm and quickly wrapped the large towel around the boy. He was in the emergency ward within minutes and the boy was taken from him after the nurse took his temperature. He was instructed to wait in the waiting room so that's where Tenzou went while the medics took care of Iruka.

Sitting there, Tenzou buried his face in his hands.

How he managed to spectacularly fuck everything up, was beyond him.

Did kids get sick after being scolded?

\-- 

For the fifth time that evening, Tenzou replaced the cold towel on Iruka's forehead. The medics had given him strict instructions to keep an eye on the boy and try to break the fever. Apparently, children were always at a risk for getting sick especially after Tenzou explained _how_ Iruka played outdoors. Which was good for any child planning to be a ninja in the future, it made them more immune to common bacterium and whatnot, but that also meant parental suffering in return.

Iruka remained asleep and stayed that way since their hospital trip, hand swollen and bruised from where the medics inserted a canulla when they forcibly hydrated the boy. His fever had been so high that the medics kept him under supervision for nearly the entire day until the fever dropped two digits (and that was only nearly around dawn). Now, under the covers, Iruka shivered and breathed heavily, flushed and sweating and was restless. Tenzou was going to have to change Iruka's pajamas and diaper (something the medics recommended he use for now) again. Sweating was good, after all.

On the second evening, when Iruka's fever _finally_ dropped another digit, Tenzou had fallen asleep against the wall, while watching over Iruka. He wasn't expecting Iruka to wake up any time soon. 

So when Iruka did wake up, he broke Tenzou's heart.

"Mama…" Iruka called out, shifting in bed and sitting up and started to cry and cradling his bruised hand and continued to ask for his parents. "Papa… Mama! Mama! Papa!"

Of all the things Tenzou hoped to face, it was just not _this_.

Iruka started to cough and choke against his syllables when Tenzou pulled the covers off him. "Iruka…"

"I want Mama…" Iruka said, voice raspy and shaking. "Where's Mama? Papa?"

Tenzou hushed him and pushed the damp strands of his hair off his face. "They're on a mission remember? I'm taking care of you now until they get back."

Apparently, explaining reality to Iruka when he was at this state was absolutely _pointless_ because Iruka didn't seem like he was capable of listening or understanding. If anything, it just made him cry and continuously say mama and papa, even when he was coughing in between. Tenzou was afraid that the fatigue from crying would make his fever worse and was already beside himself in trying to figure out what the hell he should do. Iruka refused to lie down, refused to stop crying and refused to stop saying mama and papa.

In all honesty, it was the mama and papa that was killing Tenzou and making his stomach twist in knots.

Because he couldn't tell the boy that there was no way they were coming back. They were _dead_.

Then, like a light bulb switching on, Tenzou remembered a scene in one of his current favorite drama series, where some kid had been sick too and her parent had cradled the little girl all night. It was stupid to trying something off the media, especially something dramatic and soapy like _Hoshi no Yakusoku_. 

Well. He wasn't going to lose anything by trying, wasn't he? And it wasn't like anyone was _watching._ Which was probably a good thing. 

Kakashi was really going to kill him for this.

Sucking a breath, Tenzou picked Iruka up and cradled him against his chest, pillowing his head on his shoulder, patting and rubbing gentle circles on his back. The whole 'Mama' and 'Papa' thing didn't stop and Tenzou ended up saying 'they'll be back soon' repeatedly, gently hushing Iruka and rocking him back and forth. It seemed to work because Iruka's voice started to die down and when he coughed, he only coughed in his sleep. When Tenzou tried to tuck him back into bed, Iruka's fists were tight against his shirt.

Maybe it was a bad idea to leave the boy feeling alone, especially when he was this helpless.

Tenzou remembered being young too, and being very alone, and the only care he got when he was sick was the clinical treatment from the medics (especially in his case and post being found in Orochimaru's laboratory). It was never the care of a parent, never a gentle warmth and certainly _nothing_ like what he saw in his drama series. Or what he read in books for that matter. He remembered it sucking and remembered crying to _himself_ because what else was he supposed to do, being young and relatively brainless and almost alway sickly?

Tenzou certainly didn't know what a 'Mama' or 'Papa' was. And certainly remembered nothing about it even if he had one of those.

But it worked didn't it? Let it be known that soaps and dramas actually did good in serving mankind in distress. Tenzou was going to send the production crew of _Hoshi no Yakusoku_ a bouquet of flowers as thanks for sort of saving his life. No, better yet, he was going to send them a fucking _fruit basket!_

Shifting Iruka a bit against him, Tenzou went straight for the living room, getting comfortable in the couch, cradling Iruka against him and using jutsu to keep the towel on the boy's forehead cool. Iruka slept throughout then without waking up anymore.

By morning the fever _finally_ broke.

Tenzou allowed himself then, to fall asleep, with a blanket bundled boy curled against his chest and him holding the Iruka quite over-protectively without realizing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou is honestly a great favorite of mine and he doesn't seem to get much attention; there's not much info about him and his BG so most of the stuff here is my personal headcanon. Just a side note, all of the drama titles in mentioned in this chapter was me bullshitting and trying to make it sound cheesy. I've always viewed him as a bit of a... dork. Inner dork, rather.


	3. Your instinct, rather than precision stabbing, is more about just random bludgeoning, Team 7!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Seven finally crashes the party that is Tenzou taking care of Iruka.

It really wasn't fair.

Not by one bit.

First, it was Sakura. But Sakura could be forgiven. She was a medic and one of the best trained by Tsunade herself. When she dropped by reasoning that she heard from the hospital that Tenzou came in with a boy (apparently, gossip got around between Tsunade, Shizune and Sakura), she knew it was her Academy teacher and came in to check on the boy herself. Satisfied with her rather positive diagnosis and that Iruka was on his way to a decent recovery (she even healed the bruise on the boy's hand so Iruka wouldn't be bothered by it if he woke up), she made herself useful by preparing tea and plating the snacks she brought along while Iruka continued to sleep peacefully with his head pillowed on Tenzou's shoulder.

Then Naruto and Sai showed up.

And shit hit the fan.

One of the sliding doors in the Hatake-Umino household was missing and lying in a dilapidated mess on the grass outside where Naruto was sent flying by one of Sakura's infamous punches. The table where Iruka's crayons lay somehow ended up splitting in half when Sai ended up on the surface no thanks to Naruto after making some crude joke (really, Naruto should be used to it by now). The floor boards sort of ended up cracking under the force of the chaos, the porcelain cups that Sakura used to serve tea were now in pieces, the mochi and tea cakes were in crumbs and mushy-goo all over the living room, the tea leaves were seeping into the cracks on the floor and that wasn't even the icing on the cake.

The three cell members of Team Seven now sat around the broken table _arguing_ quite heatedly on what Iruka was going to do when he woke up and who obviously was the more fitting candidate to take care of the boy. Nevermind that Tenzou was standing _right there_ watching all of this go down after he tucked Iruka in bed upstairs away from all this _noise._

"I don't care what you people say, I'm not letting Iruka-sensei anywhere near this crazy pervert! The next thing you know, cute-little-Iruka-sensei will be saying shitty crap like Sai!" Naruto was pointing at Sai, in his face.

"Well he's not staying with you! He's a growing boy! He needs vitamins and what are you going to feed him? Bad milk and ramen?!" Sakura had her fist on Naruto's collar.

"He certainly wouldn't survive your cooking, Sakura-san." Sai said quite like a gentleman.

And then promptly got kicked in the ribs by a pedicured foot.

"Iruka-sensei took care of me when I was a kid, so it's only right that I do the same for him!" 

Clearly Naruto wasn't backing down. Honestly, the competition really was between Naruto and Sakura. Sai was just busy firing salty-insults at the two of them for being quite immature, not realizing that he too was being the same (the behavior can probably be chalked up to his prolonged exposure Team Seven's influence).

It wasn't fair at all.

Tenzou had no idea what he did in his past life to deserve this. Maybe this was karma and his payback for being sort of rough with a little helpless kid who was just being a kid (a very weird one at that). But he just stood there, watching and feeling like a grandfather all of sudden as three of Konoha's most high calibre ninjas argued quite childishly. These were Konoha's seasoned warriors. Legends. Heroes to many and idols to aspiring ninjas. They were survivors of the _worst_ war in history. And yet here they were being utter children about the whole situation and were like a flock of hens squawking over the last kernel of corn. 

"Naruto, you can hardly take care of yourself!"

"That's not true, Sakura-chan! I take care of myself plenty!"

"You're going to have to, Naruto-kun. What other choice do you have but your hand and your pe --"

"Sai, shut the hell up!" Sakura _screeched._

"Shut your mouth, stupid! Iruka-sensei might hear you!" Naruto _yelled._

"You're yelling too, you moron! Keep your voice down!" 

Naruto was rubbing the new lump Sakura gave him on his head when Sai decided to quip again. "You aren't speaking quietly either, Sakura-san." Only to join Naruto by rubbing his own head, too.

"Guys." Tenzou began. Or rather, attempted to.

"Well, maybe we can take turns or something!" Naruto reasoned. "Like, I keep Iruka-sensei for five days and Sakura-chan can keep him for two."

" _Excuse me?_ "

Tenzou was rubbing his temple _again_. He had a house to fix, a mess to make the team clean, and he was short on sleep and was a little too worried that Iruka was going to wake up feeling like utter shit after recovering from a horrid fever and there was no food in the house. It wasn't like Tenzou had time to do anything responsible while he was busy sort of developing cardiac arrest each time Iruka shifted in his sleep during the night and woke up crying through the whole process of drinking water and his medicines. 

It was time to put an end to all this nonsense.

Tenzou had enough of this bullshit.

"You three!" Tenzou barked, quite firmly and got a chorus of an equally sharp 'what' before he tipped his chin at the broken china on the floor. "While it's nice that you all care for Iruka-sensei, how are you going to explain to him _and_ Kakashi-senpai that you just ruined their house?" Tenzou watched with a smug inner satisfaction at how the three seemed to pale. "Or how you just ruined Iruka-sensei favorite tea set? Which was an anniversary present? From Kakashi-senpai?"

Now they all looked they were going to shit their pants. Or, well, Sakura and Naruto did at least. Sai looked confused but then again Sai was never Iruka's student.

Not that the tea set was actually an anniversary present. But well, Team Seven didn't need to know any of that. Tenzou can bullshit his way to making the three sudden-idiots shut up for a second.

"If I may, Sakura-san, the destruction of Kakashi-san and Iruka-san's house can be attributed to your actions of trying to silence Naruto." Sai reasoned. 

Apparently, it didn't exactly sit well with Sakura, who flushed from both embarrassment and irritation.

"What, now this all _my fault?_ " Sakura stood up, glaring at the two.

Naruto too, got to his feet. "Okay, guys, no need to blame anyone. We can figure something out. Sakura-chan, when Iruka-sensei returns to normal, you explain why his tea set and house is broken!"

" _Why me?_ "

"You used to do it in the Academy all the time! Make it sound like one of those crazy fat boring books they made us memorize! You're good at stuff like that! He'll listen to you!" 

Then the three erupted into a whole new argument.

This time around, they took a portion of the wall connecting to the study when Sai flew past it. It was Naruto who threw the punch.

It was the feeling of a light tug at his pant-leg that made Tenzou look down from the mess and saw Iruka, clad in his pajamas and looking mussed and a little flushed with pillow marks on his cheek, staring at the chaos with a wide eyed wonder. The boy's hand was fisted on Tenzou's pant-leg, like Tenzou was some sort of anchor while he watched Sakura shake Sai like he was some sort of baby rattle while Naruto tried to pry his female teammate off Sai who simply had his hand up and was still firing facts about the entire situation that really wasn't helping _anybody_.

Tenzou's hand came to rest on the crown of Iruka's head, rubbing gently as Iruka took a step back to hide behind Tenzou's leg, peering from behind and watching the entire mess. 

Tenzou had to clear his throat really _loudly_ and almost like a clap of thunder, the three ceased and there was blessed silence for about fifteen seconds. Clearly, Team Seven (well, Naruto and Sakura at least) looked quite perplexed in seeing their former teacher very much awake, all wide eyed and really, really, really _small._ And obviously, they didn't look like they were about to function normally.

Except for Sai.

"Good evening." Sai had an angelic smile, because what else was he supposed to do in this kind of situation.

"Hello." Iruka said, flushing and looking rather shy, peering up at the three towering grown ups.

Then Naruto _exploded_.

"He's so small! Look at him! He's so tiny! His voice is so small! What the hell! What happened! He's not even scary!" 

Naruto got a slap for that.

"Of course he's small! He's four years old you idiot! How big did you think he was going to be?" 

There would have been more of a racket except the loud growl of Iruka's very hungry stomach seemed to cut through the argument like a hot knife through butter. Tenzou had to resort to lifting Iruka up when the boy started trying to mesh himself into his thigh when he got bombarded by Naruto asking him a million questions at once: are you hungry, what's your favorite food, what's your favorite drink, I love ramen, do you like ramen, my favorite is miso chashu, do you know Ichiraku, you wanna go. Obviously, in the middle of all this, Sakura was counter-asking how Iruka felt, did his stomach hurt, what kind of stuff he liked, was the medicine okay, was he being a brave boy, did anything hurt, and other questions fitting of a medic of her station.

The questions were endless and Iruka only stared as he tried to answer all of them but to no avail, only ending up opening his mouth and closing it before giving up all together and fisting his hands even more around Tenzou's shirt, pressing closer against his chest and shoulder from where Tenzou held him against the crook of his arm.

"Maybe it would be better if you all introduced yourselves _first._ " Tenzou suggested, _exhausted_. 

Children really were tiring.

Come to think of it, anyone under the age of nineteen was tiring.

"My name is Sai." Sai obviously saw the benefit of being intelligent and actually _listened._

Naruto on the other hand, sounded a little too excited. "Uzumaki Naruto!" 

"Haruno Sakura." Sakura just seemed civil and fairly normal, if no one knew she had fists of steel.

There was a pause before Iruka swallowed and attempted to talk for the first time since he got bombarded. And actually felt even shyer if the blush and the chewing of his lower lip was anything to go by.

"Umimo Iruka. Hello, nice to meet you Sai-san, Nato-san, Sakara-san." 

Tenzo snorted at Iruka's pronunciation of Naruto's name and left the three of them to pacify each other and make fun of each other since Naruto was clearly given a new name. While the sound of their voices echoed through out the Hatake-Umino household, Tenzou sat Iruka on the counter of the kitchen and started fussing around the boy without knowing.

It would be a good hour later, after a quick wash and something that Tenzou didn't really remember happening (except there was an argument and lecture about the lack of food) and somehow, all five of them ended up leaving the house to get some. 

_Together._

\--

"Do we really need _all_ that?" Sai asked, staring at the overflowing stock of groceries in the cart.

Iruka was sitting on the little front chair of the cart and trying to reach for the jar of candy at the bottom. It was a good thing Tenzou stuffed it under the vegetables and out of his reach.

"Well, Iruka-sen -- Iruka is a growing boy!" Naruto argued. "And he deserves the best! Are you trying to say we should starve him? What if he doesn't like the shit you put in?"

"Why wouldn't he? If we prepare it right, he'll even eat the lettuce that you hate so much! Though..." Sakura was eyeing the cart too and looked a little unsure herself. 

"This is what we're going to do." Tenzou said, stepping up to the cart and starting to scoop up the excess nonsense the rest of the team seemed to think was necessary for someone of Iruka's size. Everything seemed to have ended up in the damn cart _at the same time_ when all three vanished and returned, dumping everything into the cart without even asking.

It was rather comical too because they've been the spectacle amongst the mothers and elderlies who did their shopping early in the morning. There were at least four different boxes of cereal, one of them was Iruka's favorite and the rest were the kind the team insisted on. There were far too many tomatoes and sweet potatoes, an imported summer squash, apples and pears, grapes, lettuce, cucumbers and zucchinis. The eggplant was probably the heaviest in weight because Sakura had gone overboard that it rivaled the weight of the limes and oranges. There were toilet papers, far too much meats of all kinds including a large imported turkey (with it's size, Tenzou was pretty sure it wouldn't even fit in the oven the couple owned). There were other junk too and while Tenzou started handing out groceries to the three to return to the shelves, he was still wondering how _all this happened._

In a way, it could all be chalked up on the fact that they were so _excited_ to help their 'cute' shrunken former teacher, that all levels of intelligence seemed to have left them. Well, with Sakura and Naruto at least.

The candies and cookies too, went back to the shelves.

Iruka looked utterly heart broken.

"Aww, Taichou, you're gonna make him cry!" Naruto looked like he was about to panic.

"It is a bit much and he did just recover…" Sakura once more looked unsure.

Sai on the other hand simply grabbed a large swirly colored lollipop that was the size of Iruka's face and held it out towards the boy. It was almost instant, how Iruka's eyes seemed to glow and fill with excitement as he took the lollipop and held it both his hands, staring at it and turning it this way and that. Seemingly pacified, Tenzou shooed the other three to return the things as he rushed for the check out counter while Iruka was still busy admiring his large lollipop.

And that was that.

All the way back home, while Iruka walked with his little steps amongst four towering grown ups, he stared at his lollipop with a dimpled smile and seemed to ignore the chatter that went on. Iruka didn't seem to care what kind of breakfast they would end up making, he didn't seem to care either that Sakura and Naruto were at it again, Naruto insisting that ramen was the best thing to make while Sakura seemed to suggest something more practical and gentle on Iruka's stomach.

Tenzou's head was _pounding_. So he decided to simply focus on Iruka, ignoring the other three.

"No eating the lollipops until after you've eaten something light, okay, Iruka? Remember, you just recovered." Tenzou suggested. The glee Iruka had in his eyes seemed a little dangerous.

"Yes, Tencho-san." Iruka was flushing from utter _joy._

"You really like lollipops, ne, Iruka?" Sai asked.

"Yes, Sai-san! I love lollipops! Before, when Kashi-san was home and he takes me out for snack time, he would get me lollipops too! I like orange and chocolate best! He always buys me that one!" 

"Ah, well that makes sense. You liking lollipops this young. It's probable that it would later benefit you, considering that you end up loving cock more --" 

Sai didn't even get to finish. Because Sakura, Naruto and Tenzou were grabbing him and pinching him into silence, hands slapped over his mouth.

"What's cock?" Iruka asked, blinking, confused at what was going on.

There was a chorus from Tenzou, Sakura and Naruto.

"Male chicken!"

"Rooster!"

"Boy chicken!"

Iruka blinked. "Oh." Then he beamed. "I like cocks! They're fun! I like to play with them!"

All four save for Sai, _paled_. Their jaws dropped to the ground, too.

Iruka didn't seem to get it. He just continued to babble while staring at his lollipop.

"Before, in the summer, Mama and Papa went on vacation. And we went to a farm near the beach! They had many cocks and in the mornings, I play with them. They are really fast and I have to hold the cock really tight or else it will fly away! I get really tired after playing but I love them! They're very nice! I hope Mama and Papa takes me to the farm again! Do you want to come too? Mama and Papa are really nice! Mama makes nice ramens and tea cakes!"

Tenzou couldn't help it. He started _laughing._ Naruto and Sakura seemed to have fallen into some sort of severe depression while Sai simply continued to smile, despite the bruises forming all over him the pinches and hits. Tenzou picked Iruka up so that they could get home faster, the conversation carrying on and him still _laughing_.

"Have you played with cocks before Sakara-san, Nato-san, Sai-san?"

"Hell no!" Naruto looked _appalled._ The other two, wisely kept their mouths shut and that probably spoke volumes.

"Why not, Nato-san? Your Mama and Papa didn't let you?" 

It was such an innocent question, completely harmless but it seemed to have been successful in silencing the current cause of everyone's liver failure. Naruto went quiet briefly, while the others left it to Naruto to answer. It took a few seconds, but Naruto just smiled.

"When I was small like you, I didn't have a Mama and Papa, Iruka. They died when I was born. But they were heroes and they saved Konoha and many people. They _are_ heroes."

"Oh." Iruka looked lost. "Was it scary?"

Naruto shrugged. "Sometimes." 

There was a pause before Iruka asked, "Don't you miss them? Are you scared now?"

"No. I'm not scared." Naruto's smile had a slight dampness to them. "Sometimes though, I miss them too. Who wouldn't, you know? Miss their Mama and Papa and stuff." 

"You can share my Mama and Papa!" Iruka offered, earnest and sincere, as if trying to give comfort in the only way he knew for his age. "They're really nice!"

The silence that followed was so great and the only thing that broke it was Naruto reaching forward, ruffling Iruka's hair and softly and sadly saying, "Yeah, thanks. That'd be nice."

Sometimes, the worst thing one could do was lie to an innocent and sincere child.

They all knew it. And they all sort of felt like a heel.

\-- 

"Hey, hey, you know what would be cool?" Naruto asked while he wolfed down his rice.

They were all sitting in the new dining table that Tenzou made to replace the other cracked one that met it's sad fate later that evening when Sakura was preparing dinner and got into an argument with Sai. For once since Team Seven decided to crash the party that was Tenzou taking care of Iruka, they were all sitting civilly and eating like normal people. Except for Iruka who was making a mess while he tried to eat his rice with his clumsy grip on his chopsticks. 

"What now, Naruto?" Tenzou asked, giving up and finally reaching forward with a napkin to clean up Iruka's mess and feeding the boy himself. 

Iruka looked appeased.

"If we could take Iruka to the carnival!"

"Are you serious?" Sakura asked, cocking an eyebrow. 

"Yeah! Why not?" Naruto looked a little offended.

"Well, you don't know what kind of threats there might be. If it hasn't escaped you, it's kind of known that Iruka is with Sharingan Kakashi. The amount of threats that might take place if people got a word of Iruka being like this --"

"I know that, Sakura-chan! But it's not like Iruka is going alone!" Naruto wrinkled his nose.

"Sakura-san is right. It might be dangerous." Sai seemed to see the point.

"Guys, if we all go and Yamato-taichou too, it's over-kill." Naruto said, promptly assuming that all of Team Seven was going to follow his lead like ducklings following their mother. "Besides, it's not like we'll let him out of our sight." Then in field short hand, he said, _'he probably misses his parents -- it's a good distraction'._

Tenzou thought about it as he fed Iruka the rest of his soup, wiping his mouth and rubbing Iruka's back when the boy gave a small burp and gave him a dimply smile of gratitude. He saw Naruto's point, and there would be other Konoha shinobis present. The neighboring carnival was erected once every summer during the festival, where a parade would take place along with lays, musical numbers and concerts. It was every child's haven. 

"So, Iruka, do you want to go to the carnival next week?" Tenzou suddenly asked while the other three was field-short-handing each other in what seemed to be a brewing argument.

Really, when will they _ever_ stop?

They never used to argue this _much_ when it came to serious shit like battles or wars or missions.

Perhaps this was testament to their humanity, that even after all garbage they've been through, all the suffering and the loss, the sacrifices and choices they made at an early age, lessons learned while too young, they could still be like _this_. It was so incredibly _human_ and so _young_ and _immature_ that it was quite magnificent, all things considered.

"Canival?" Iruka asked, mispronouncing like he did quite often. People around him just learned quickly to ignore the little things. "The one with the big spinning wheel? Goes up in the sky?" 

Iruka looked a little too excited, already flushing around his cheeks.

"Yeah! Yeah! The ferris wheel!" Naruto nodded. "Lots of food! And games too!"

"You might find some of them challenging." Sai warned, eyes arced up in a smile.

"We'll catch you a big teddy bear, Iruka~" Sakura said, smiling toothily and reaching up to push Iruka's bangs off his forehead.

Iruka looked quite happy and incredibly _breathless_ all of a sudden.

"So what about it, Iruka? You want to go?" Tenzou asked, a finale.

Iruka flushed even more, ears tinting red along with his neck and chest. And in the softest voice and while he chewed his lower lip and his legs started to kick back and forth under the table, he said:

"I - I like Canivals."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing is turning into some sort of uncontrolled monster. It's starting to feel a little too much like Gintama. That's probably just me though. Still no ending in sight but it should be soon-ish, I hope. Ufuuuuu!


	4. It's hard to talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets, Iruka.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Iruka starts to have doubts but tries to cope.

Sometimes, Iruka really missed Naruto, Sakura and Sai.

They were really nice and Iruka looked up to them as his friends.

They would come and go and sometimes, they wouldn't even show up. Tenzou once told him that it was because Sakura was a medic and sometimes had to work really long hours at the hospital trying to save people and looking for new cures. Tenzou also told him that Sai and Naruto got sent out to missions often, sometimes together, sometimes separate. Tenzou also told him not to worry because Naruto, Sakura and Sai always tried to keep their promise and were really super strong.

What Iruka looked forward to the most these days was waking up early in the morning and taking the marker Tenzou got him to cross out another day on the calendar that Tenzou taped to the lower fridge door, to count the amount of days till they went to the carnival. It seemed so far away, with nearly a wait that was lasting two weeks but it was okay. Tenzou promised and Naruto, Sakura, Sai said so too, so the only thing Iruka could do was wait and use his still unsteady hand to draw wobbly red crosses on each day.

He was good at waiting.

Mama and Papa always told him that waiting was a good thing to have for a ninja.

Waiting was all he seemed to do, _anyway._

Everyday, he waited for Naruto and Sakura, and Sai and waited even more for when they ate together. He waited a lot for Sakura's treats and Naruto's games and ramen, waited for Sai's drawings because Sai showed him how to draw elephants and cats and birds then let him color it with his crayons. He waited for Tenzou's tricks, waited for when Tenzou would carry him or just hold his hand because it reminded Iruka that waiting wasn't so bad.

Most of the time, Iruka just kept to himself, playing in the garden and making homes for the ants and the beetles, and sometimes helping the wild bunnies with their food. He would feed the birds some of the toasted bread that he purposely wouldn't eat during breakfast (if it was toast and eggs day) because he remembered well that his Papa would say that he should share his good blessings. Bread was a blessing, wasn't it? Besides, Tenzou didn't get angry or said anything against it.

But the truth was, he really missed Kakashi.

More than Kakashi, he missed his Mama and Papa.

They were never gone this long and Iruka tried to think of good things, of them being heroes and great ninjas, saving the village and saving unfortunate people. As he crossed more days on the calendar and Naruto, Sai and Sakura seemed to have completely vanished, while Tenzou seemed rather preoccupied in the study with so much paper a tall ninja with a white mask brought in one day, Iruka started to feel his chest hurt when he looked at the empty living room. It also started to rain a lot and the bunnies he would play with in the garden seemed to have gone into hiding. Even the birds he would feed in the mornings didn't come anymore.

Mama always told him to not bother busy people, anyway.

So he didn't ask for anything. He kept to himself _even more_. People were busy, so he should be busy too. he drew pictures in his sketch book until he ran out of pages to fill. He colored the coloring book until there were no more pictures to be colored. And sometimes, when his chest started to hurt so bad and his eyes started to itch, he just looked at his books and played with his blocks under the window. He tried once to make a tower so that it would reach the window sill but every time he did, it would just fall. When he had nothing else to do, he would just sit outside, staring at the garden quietly and _waiting_ for the rain to stop too so he could play.

The ninja with the white mask came by everyday and never said hello. Iruka thought that it was wrong because his Mama and Papa always said to be polite and White-Mask-san certainly was rude. But he didn't seem to stay long, only always speaking quickly to Tenzou and giving him more papers. Iruka didn't like him because every time White-Mask-san came, Tenzou would look upset and tired. And that also meant that Tenzou almost never left the study, except during meal times or to check up on him (which Iruka always said that he was okay). Because of the rain too, they didn't go out for snack time in the afternoons.

Iruka assumed that White-Mask-san came from the Hokage.

Before he slept on the fourth night White-Mask-san kept coming over, he told himself that he should ask the shinobi if his parents were back yet. White-Mask-san seemed a little scary and was really big and seemed a little mean, but Iruka told himself that he should be brave and just ask. There was no harm in asking, right?

The next day, when White-Mask-san came around lunch time and Tenzou excused himself from the table to get the door, Iruka foliowed a few seconds later, peering from the hallway as Tenzou and White-Mask-san spoked by the entryway. He couldn't tell if White-Mask-san was looking at him or not, but Iruka felt his knees shake whenever he looked at the white mask, because he felt as if White-Mask-man was really looking at him. The holes in his mask looked really scary but Iruka really wanted to know if his parents were back.

When Tenzou disappeared down the hall towards the study to get something, not even looking in Iruka's direction, Iruka swallowed and approached the shinobi by the door.

"Umm, White-Mask-san?" Iruka started, swallowing and craning his head up at the man, hands fisting behind his back because White-Mask-san was now looking down at him. Not answering. "Do you know if my Mama and Papa are back yet?"

It was the longest wait for an answer Iruka had to go through.

He heard Tenzou approaching from down the hallway but Iruka kept looking up at White-Mask-san, _waiting._

"No. They're not back yet." White-Mask-san finally answered.

"Oh." Iruka swallowed and then forced a smile and a polite bow at the shinobi. "Thank you, White-Mask-san."

Then he ran for the living room and opened his picture book. 

Maybe tomorrow, White-Mask-san will tell him a different answer.

\--

The answer was always the same.

Every day, he asked White-Mask-san. And every time White-Mask-san said 'No, they're not back yet', Iruka felt like crying. Sometimes, he did, but he kept his back to the door and just smiled, showing all his teeth even when his eyes hurt and his chest and stomach felt like he ate something bad, or that time when he was sick. But he never dared cry in front of Tenzou, and only dared when he couldn't stand it anymore when he was hidden under the blankets after Tenzou put him to bed.

There were only ten days left till they went to the carnival and after all those days which seemed so utterly and abnormally wrong to Iruka, he started to get ideas. He started having trouble sleeping, and dreaming of his parents just never coming home anymore and the No's that people seemed to give him went on and on and on.

One morning, while he tried to eat his cereal -- he really didn't feel like eating his cereal anymore -- Iruka put his spoon down and looked up at Tenzou. Tenzou was sipping his coffee, rubbing the back of his head and sighing as he read some papers.

"Tencho-san?" Iruka asked, hesitant to disturb the man.

"Yes, Iruka?"

"Did something happen to Mama and Papa?" Iruka felt the words jumble in his throat, and tumble off his tongue unsteadily. He remembered his dreams and swallowed, biting his lower lip and face scrunching as he waited for the answer.

Why was Tenzou staring at him like _that?_

Was he angry?

Did he disturb Tenzou?

"No. None that I know. They're still in their mission, remember?" Tenzou said, looking back down at his paper.

"Then why -- why are they taking so long?"

"It happens. Even I go on missions for months at a time." Tenzou wasn't looking at him anymore. Iruka didn't know why. 

Maybe he really was angry.

"Will they back soon so I can go home?" Iruka asked after a few more minutes.

"I really don't know, Iruka. But, soon, they should be. Just wait a little more, okay?" Tenzou said.

The words were repetitive. Iruka heard all of them and its variations. He didn't remember ever asking the same question _this much before._ He still felt something was really wrong but made the smart decision to not push and disturb Tenzou anymore. Even if his chest felt tight like he was sick again and his eyes were starting to itch and water again. Instead:

"I'm done with breakfast, Tencho-san. Can I go read my picture-book, now?" Iruka asked instead, pushing a bit against the table so Tenzou can help him down like he did all the time.

"You didn't finish your cereal. You sure you're done?" 

"Yes, Tencho-san."

"All right…" Tenzou picked him off the chair and set him on the floor.

Iruka didn't dare look behind him as he bolted for the living room, took his usual perch under the window with his crayons, books and blocks and started to stare at the picture book some more. He didn't even have anything that would remind him of his parents, so Iruka took one of his drawings and flipped at the blank page behind it. He started to draw his Mama and Papa and didn't even hear Sai enter the room, crouching beside him.

"Hey, Iruka."

"Sai-san!"

Iruka dropped his brown crayon and beamed at Sai. Sai was gone for a long time, and he was finally back. Iruka wondered if Sai would stay, if Sai would draw him pictures today and have lunch with him and Tenzou. He wondered if Sai would show him the flying pictures again. Those were always nice.

"What are you drawing?" Sai asked, looking at the half done picture Iruka was working on.

"Mama and Papa." Iruka said and picked up his crayon again, intent on finishing it. 

"Oh?"

"Mama and Papa left so fast. I don't think they left our house key with anyone so I can't go home. And I don't have a picture of Mama and Papa." Iruka shrugged. "So I'm drawing them."

"Ah…"

Iruka picked up his black crayon and started drawing eyes on the figures he previously drew with a flesh crayon. "I really miss them." He said quietly, working on the eyebrows. 

His eyes started to itch and it made Iruka frown, reaching up and rubbing his eye with a fist. He also felt his nose start to clog up and wondered if he was getting sick again.

"Is Sai-san staying over for lunch?" Iruka asked, voice shaky and his throat itching too.

"No. I can't stay. I have a mission today. I leave in a few minutes."

"Oh." Iruka nodded, feeling incredibly disappointed (but he should have expected that), and looked up at Sai who was looking at him funny so suddenly. He looked surprised, like he saw something weird or scary. Iruka tried to smile, flashing his teeth. "Well, okay, come back home safe, ne?"

"I'll try…"

Iruka swallowed. "You won't take too long?" 

"I'll try not to?"

Iruka felt like it was a lie, lower lip trembling.

"Okay." 

Iruka ducked his head and started drawing some grass with a green crayon when Tenzou appeared by the door, and Sai got up to leave. Iruka paid no attention to Sai and Tenzou talking amongst themselves, focused on his picture instead. He didn't even hear Sai leave until Tenzou came to crouch beside him, looking at his drawing.

"Hey, listen, it might take a while for me to get lunch together. You want to go out and get something instead? Or you want to wait?"

Iruka shook his head, not wanting to go out. He won't get to play, he won't see anyone, and people will probably just tell him to wait a bit more if he dared to ask about his parents.

"Can I finish my picture first?" Iruka asked, staring at it and watching the colors blur.

"Sure but -- Iruka, what's wrong?"

Iruka was rubbing the blurriness away and wishing the pain in his chest and stomach to go away, too. But it didn't. It was distracting and he really wanted to finish his picture. When he was done, he was going to put it against the wall beside his futon. 

"I want to finish my picture." Iruka said, swallowing and inhaling sharply to clear the clogginess in his nose. He ended up making a loud sniffling sound. Determinedly, he picked up his blue crayon to color his Papa's uniform.

"What are you drawing, anyway?" Tenzou asked, his hand rubbing gentle circles on Iruka's back.

It felt nice.

But it made Iruka cry even more and press the crayon a little too hard on the paper.

"Mama and Papa."

"Ah…"

"Can I finish my picture first, Tencho-san?" Iruka rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand and picked up his crayon again. "Please?" 

Iruka looked up at Tenzou and swallowed, eyes rimmed red and face flushed, chin and eyebrows scrunched up as he tried to to be brave and told himself to not cry, because crying was for babies and and grown ups didn't cry. Mama and Papa always told him to try to be mature like a grown up and try his best to be brave when they were gone and he had to be left behind. So he kept his mouth closed and tried not to make any weird noises.

Tenzou was looking at him in that funny way. Like Sai earlier.

Iruka wondered _why_ and if it was because he was doing something wrong. He just wanted to finish his picture. Was that bad? Was it getting in the way of Tenzou's work and stuff?

"Sure…" Tenzou said, quietly. "You can finish your picture. We'll get lunch when you're done."

\--

"Sakara-san. Am I sick?" Iruka asked one day, when Sakura came in for tea and snack time. 

It was the first time Iruka saw Sakura since that time when they all had dinner together.

Sakura was immediately looking at him and picking him off the ground and sitting him on the kitchen counter, away from the new tea cups from where she was preparing tea. There was pretty yellow box with a white ribbon beside the tea cups and empty plates, and Iruka can smell something sweet coming from it. 

He paid it no attention though.

Sakura pressed her hand over Iruka's forehead, asked him to open his mouth, took a look inside and then pressed fingers to his wrist. After a while, she asked:

"Can you tell me what you feel?"

"It hurts here." Iruka pointed at his chest. "And here, too." And then at his stomach. "Is something broken?"

"Hmm." Sakura kept staring at him for a while, before she pulled one of the stools to sit so that she was eye level with him while sitting. "When do you feel the pain? When you wake up, or after you eat, when you run or play…?"

Iruka frowned in thought and looked at his knees for a moment. Mama always said that he should always tell the medics the full truth when they wanted to know how he felt. At the thought of Mama, he felt the pinch in his chest again, and whenever the thought of Mama came up, Papa followed suit and the pain increased. Sometimes, he remembered Kakashi too and that was like rubbing salt on the wound.

"I feel it when I think of Mama and Papa." Iruka said, looking up at unsurely at Sakura who had that particular look that Sai and Tenzou wore on their faces sometimes. Naruto too and if Iruka concentrated really hard, Kakashi too made that face. He couldn't understand it. "Sometimes, when I think of Kashi-san too."

"I see."

Iruka rubbed at his arm, feeling a little anxious. "Am I sick?" He flushed. "I don't want to be sick. I don't want to make it hard for Tencho-san because he is busy. And I don't -- I shouldn't make trouble. Can you give me medicine?"

"I think I know what I can give you. And you know something, Iruka? They taste just like jellybeans. You know them?"

"I like jellybeans!" Iruka felt glad, because he didn't have to drink the liquid kind of medicine that sometimes made his throat itch and tasted really nasty.

"They're like that. And come in a lot of colors. Now, you have to understand, that this medicine takes a while to work. So you'll be taking it for a while and you might not feel better immediately. It's a really slow kind and is really gentle for the stomach of four year olds. Do you understand?"

Iruka nodded, blinking. "So I'll get better in… some weeks?"

"Yep. Few weeks. It's the course of the treatment. If, within, hmm, let's see, three weeks, nothing has happened, I'll increase the dose and that should do the trick. If not, we'll do tests. But you must tell me and Yamato-taichou whenever you feel the pain in your stomach and chest. Or Sai. Or Naruto. Don't wait until it hurts too much and it makes you cry or unable to sleep, okay?"

Iruka nodded, determined. Sakura was a really good medic. "Okay!"

"Promise?" 

"I promise, Sakara-san!" 

Iruka felt glad and optimistic. Sakura was going to give him medicine and he wouldn't be bothering anyone anymore. 

"Great. Now, let's have some tea and cookies and I'll explain to Yamato-taichou how he should give you your medicines and when. Do you want to carry the box outside, give me a hand?"

"Yes, Sakara-san!" Iruka nodded, enthusiastic because helping out in the kitchen was a good thing to do. Papa always encouraged him to help. He was more than willing to help Sakara-san with tea.

Sakura set Iruka down on the ground and handed him the box of cookies. "All right! Be careful! It's a little heavy."

Iruka took the box of cookies and chewed his lower lip in concentration, balancing the weight in his hands and extra careful grip. "I will!"

\--

The medicines were like candy. Sometimes, Iruka thought they actually _were_ candy. And if anything, Iruka felt like he was getting better. Sometimes, he still felt the sting in his chest and stomach whenever he thought of Mama and Papa and Kakashi but then he would remember what Sakura told him and how he should really believe that the medicine was working. Then he would feel a little better in a little while. He wondered if that had something to do with what his Mama said one time, about believing and stuff like that.

Iruka didn't really have enough time to think about it.

Soon enough, the most awaited day came and after a light breakfast, Tenzou had taken him for a quick wash. It was in the middle of Iruka being powdered and his hair being combed that Sakura and Naruto finally arrived. Tucked under Sakura's arm was a little wrapped package. She gave the package to Iruka and Iruka thought it was a birthday present. And when he told Sakura that it wasn't his birthday, Sakura made a fuss and shooed Tenzou and Naruto out of the room.

It turned out to be a nice cotton yukata, a tiny little red thing with a blue sash and prints of puppies around the sleeve and bottom hem. Iruka had been so entranced by the colors and the print that he didn't even react to Sakura's fussing with him getting ready. He didn't even bat an eyelash because he was so busy staring at the pretty print on his sleeve that he failed to notice Tenzou's impressed smile and Naruto's grin. Nor did he hear the conversation that seemed to break around him. He was tracing the eyes and snout of the puppy on his sleeve with a finger.

"Hey, he doesn't really look like a girl." Naruto nodded, approving.

"Of course not! I told you so!" Sakura sounded a little offended, while still being smug.

"Well, we're short one person but Sai said he'll meet us there." Tenzou said. "Iruka?"

Iruka looked up then, dimples hollowed and hair up in a high ponytail, a flush dusting his cheeks and eyes wide and glinting from excitement and happiness at his new clothes. Mama always got him one during the summer, so this was really nice. "Yes, Tencho-san?"

"Shall we get your sandals on and go?"

"Yes!" Iruka tucked his hands behind him, toes wiggling.

"Come along then!" Naruto caroled, scooping a squealing Iruka up and sitting him on his shoulders. "Up you go!"

"So high, Nato-san! Like Papa!"

Naruto's ears glowed red as he took hold of Iruka's ankles and slipped his sandals on. "Heh. Better hold on tight. We'll be there in no time!"

"Yes, Nato-san!"

And sure enough, it felt like the magic in Iruka's picture books. One moment, they were zipping past a dirt road and then they were up in the trees where Tenzou would point at some birds flying beside them, and then from the canopy of the trees, Sakura would point at the large summer blossoms and ripening fruits. Iruka never travelled past the village this way. Mama and Papa always went by carriages and public transport. So this was exciting and new for him, to be out of the village walls and in such a way.

Within the hour, they were finally crossing the gates of the Carnival, where the music was ringing, vendors calling out to families and children, game stalls crowded with people and performers juggling, dancing and cartwheeling around the street. The rides were soaring and filled with excited noises and all this, Iruka stared at rather breathlessly. 

"Ah! Look! It's Sai-san!" Iruka pointed. Sure enough, Sai was conversing with a balloon vendor and plucking a large yellow one. "Sai-san!" Iruka called out, waving out as far as he can reach with his height, while still sitting on Naruto's head.

Sai seemed to have seen him because he approached the small group and handed Iruka the balloon. "Good afternoon."

"Thank you, Sai-san!" Iruka stared at his balloon, tugging at the string and watching it dance in the air above him, while holding on to Naruto's forehead protector.

"Now that we're all here, wanna go for some rides?" Naruto asked.

Almost immediately, all of them (except for Tenzou) pointed at different kinds of rides at the same time. 

"I want to ride the tea-cups! The green one! Like Sakara-san's tea cups!" Iruka said, still tugging excitedly at his balloon that Tenzou had conveniently tied the string around his wrist so it wouldn't fly away. 

The argument was starting brew amongst Team Seven and before it would escalate to something ridiculous, and because Iruka was starting to look a little lost and worried with how the three were disagreeing, Tenzou stepped in.

"Tea cups first. Then the swings. Then the boats. Then you all can ride the train."

"And the horses!" Iruka pointed at the carousel.

Tenzou rubbed the back of his head, a funny smile on his face. "And the horses."

"Then the spinning wheel!" Iruka was looking at the ferris wheel.

"Maybe we should keep the ferris wheel for last. Before we go home." Sakura suggested. "We can get lunch after the rides?"

"Yeah. And there are still games to play." Naruto seemed to agree.

"You can win a lot of things, apparently." Sai supplied.

Iruka blinked and thought about it, humming. "Can I win something for Mama and Papa? And for Kashi-san too? Because they're not here?"

Iruka watched the four exchange _that_ look again before they all turned to him and smiled. 

"Yeah, why the hell not?" Naruto grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was a challenge to write. I had to watch how much I type or else I'll never, ever, ever finish. I never really wrote Iruka (even during days of active RPing) as a child. Or this much (which isn't much, imho). But that was... fun. Yeah. 
> 
> WAHHH!


	5. I'm not as green as I am cabbage looking, Rookies!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where everyone wants to be the big brother. Or the big sister. And Tenzou has no explanation.

If one would be honest with themselves, they would describe the entire ordeal as surreal. It was absolutely incandescent (as much as it was rather obnoxious) how Naruto practically squealed in sync with Iruka while their little raft plummeted down the high water slide, getting them both sopping wet. Sakura's laugh was fervid when she and Iruka bobbed up and down while riding the carousel, the medic looking equally as young had it not been for the weapon straps on her thigh and the combat gloves on her fists. And Sai looked like he was born to be an older brother when he sat Iruka on his shoulders too, and started explaining the different chocolate coated fruits on the sticks to the boy, hair mussed and standing in all direction from where Iruka had his hand on, pointing excitedly at all the things he wanted to snack on, which Sai seemed willing to want buy for him (Sai ended up holding a handful of skewered chocolate fruits while Iruka held a single choco-banana).

Perhaps this was what it felt like to be parent, Tenzou mused as he watched the three debate what lunch to get with his arms crossed and a seemingly distant smile on his face. There was a particular kind of warmth in his chest, some kind of fondness and Tenzou knew then and there that he was severely attached. Not just to Iruka (but the boy might have had something to do with it too), but to Team Seven. Watching them now was they bickered and plucked skewered chocolate fruits from Sai's grip, like a bunch of puppies yipping and sharing a bowl of dog chow, Tenzou couldn't help but feel just incredibly relieved, or blessed, or something equally cheesy that only _Ai no Kissu_ would have done justice if the series were to portray the emotion he was feeling now. It left his toes just a little tingly and his smile just a little grateful too, even if he was practically just a bystander. A tree in the yard, so to speak.

"You're looking well." 

Tenzou turned to his left and came face to face with bushy eyebrows and ultra-bowl hair cut. Tenzou dipped his head and greeting before turning his gaze back to the kids. "Gai." 

"Is that --"

"Yep."

"How incredibly youthful! His childhood is a brimming example of what kind of adult he grows to be! Worthy of my magnificent rival, indeed!" Gai was passionate with his words as always, though maybe not as loud as he usually would have been. The noise of the carnival probably had something to do with muting Gai's volume. 

"He is, isn't he?" Tenzou chuckled, while his eyebrows disappeared under his forehead protector when he saw Tenten, Lee and Neji join Team Seven. "When did you guys get back?"

"Dawn." Gai crossed his arms, laugh lines forming on his face as he watched his team greet Team Seven. There seemed to be a commotion going on and Iruka seemed to have gone deathly still. And a little too red faced. "Made it just in time for the Carnival too." Gai's smile was blinding. "It's been a tradition! Can't afford to miss it now!"

"Yeah?" Tenzou couldn't stop his amusement. Only Gai would have insisted on taking his team to something like a carnival every year since their formation. Then again, it was probably a good thing. Gai was a good mentor and teacher that way, despite everything he's been through.

"Has Kakashi returned yet?" Gai asked.

Tenzou was making no move to join the clusterfuck that was forming a few feet ahead of him. Because apparently, Chouji, Shikamaru and Ino seemed to have joined the mess. Tenzou was starting to feel something that could only be pegged as anxiousness. This can't be good. It will never be good. Tenzou was starting to fear for the fucking carnival. 

"Not yet. It wasn't supposed to be this long." Tenzou's voice dropped a little lower. "Hawk mentioned that Rock is being… stubborn."

"Ah." Gai nodded, seemingly having understood the message and looked a little sympathetic. "How is our sensei holding up, then? No trouble?"

"I wouldn't say that." Tenzou sighed, and what felt like guilt and helplessness swelled in his chest. "He's been asking about his parents a lot. I guess that's normal, isn't it? To be honest, I'm running out of excuses." 

"Understandable." Gai's face suddenly looked old for a moment, tired and withered around the edges, like how most former ANBU members ended up looking like when the mask and armor came off. "The hardest thing to do is to lie to innocent children. We don't have a choice."

Tenzou didn't answer because whatever it was he wanted to say promptly vanished when the entire group's conversation started to have the word 'goldfish' in it, and one said in quite a barbaric manner. 

"Here we go again." Tenzou sighed, shoulder drooping.

Gai boomed a laughter and clapped him on the shoulder, nearly pitching Tenzou forward on his face to kiss the ground, and continued to clap him, completely oblivious. Or maybe not. It was hard to tell with Gai, sometimes. "Come, come! Let us join our children in their youthful endeavors! It will be magnificent!"

And that was how Tenzou and Gai ended up smack in the middle of another brewing argument and chatter with several people just yapping at the same time. Ino and Sakura were arguing. Naruto, Sai, Lee and Chouji were talking about lunch. The only seemingly normal people who knew and understood the etiquette of speaking civilly in public were Neji, Shikamaru and Tenten. 

Everyone else was busy being squawking ducks.

Tenzou wanted to plant his foot on Gai's spandex clad ass when the man joined Naruto's group in discussing lunch, insisting on dumplings which Lee was only too happy to jump into agreement with.

All this and little Iruka was forgotten. Tenzou had momentarily turned to tug the girls apart and to obviously calm Naruto, while asking Shikamaru to give him a hand with the entire fiasco when everyone seemed to have reached an agreement that barbecue was going to be their lunch and that they were all splitting the bill and 'buying Iruka-sensei whatever he wanted'. Tenzou and Gai were trying to minimize the damage inducing tempers of a bunch of kids who all wanted to be a hero infront of their former teacher that nobody noticed Iruka wasn't around anymore.

Until Naruto piped.

"Hey, Iruka-sen -- Iruka! Wanna go get barbecue for -- where's Iruka-sensei?" 

Naruto's rather almost hysterical question was the rock that crushed everyone to utter silence.

"Well, shit!" Sakura looked like someone chucked a handful of face-powder on her face. "I'll go look this way."

"And I'll take this way!" Ino went the opposite direction, dragging Chouji with her. "Come on, Chouji."

"I'll check the game stalls." Sai vanished in whirl of displaced air.

"Let's cover the outer perimeters of the canirval, Lee!" Gai looked like his eyeballs were on fire.

So were Lee's. "Yes, Gai-sensei!" 

Naruto didn't even say anything and just bolted in search for Iruka.

And just like that, half the cause of the noise vanished, leaving Tenzou, Shikarmaru, Tenten and Neji standing there like a bunch of gophers poking out of their holes on the ground. They looked utterly gobsmacked by the sheer stupidity that seemed to have over taken every single respectable shinobi that were previously gathered in one noisy spot. Tenzou was trying to breathe (while looking like he was breathing normally) while trying not to think of what Kakashi was going to do to him if he found out something happened to a tiny helpless Iruka. If poor Iruka ended up with scrapes and a broken limb, or if he was in a ditch somewhere, or worse, if the boy was crying in some corner feeling utterly abandoned when his parents were already dead.

Shit, fuck, holy hell, Kakashi was going to fucking butcher Tenzou and feed his remains to the damn wild Piranhas in Mist's swamp.

"It's hard to locate someone of Iruka-sensei's age in this crowd. Not when he hasn't developed any chakra yet." Shikamaru was rubbing the back of his head, seemingly calm in the entire mess.

"But his physical shape should be discernible, ne, Neji?" Tenten said just as calmly, turning eyes to her teammate.

Tenzou's panic went out like a candle being blown.

All eyes were on Neji.

Who twitched a bit then wordlessly activated his Byakugan, scanning the crowd.

Within less than a minute, the four of them were making their way towards the corner of the Carnival, where a tiny form was sitting on a crate, huddled against the wall of a candy stall, rubbing tears and yellow balloon bobbing in the air. Tenzou swore that he never felt relief the way he did then and there when he caught sight of the boy, who looked - mildly putting - terrified. It was rather easy to get lost in such a huge crowd. Child napping wasn't an uncommon thing either, especially if one knew who Iruka really was.

And just who he was tied to.

"There you are~" Tenten said, reaching out to pat Iruka on the head, wiping the tears off his face with her hands.

"Sheesh, you had us worried there for a second." Shikamaru _sighed._

Neji merely grunted and crossed his arms, looking quite displeased if not very mildly irritated.

Tenzou wanted to pull Iruka into a bone crushing hug and kiss his forehead like an old grandparent. He was so _relieved_ that it wasn't even funny. Kakashi wasn't going to kill him. Briefly, the idea of tying a leash around Iruka or something crossed his mind.

"You're lucky that Neji was with us." Tenten chuckled, giving the boy a smile while Iruka's chin and forehead remained scrunched. He really was trying not to cry.

Tenzou kind of felt sorry for him.

"What were you thinking anyway?" Tenzou asked, crouching to check the boy over. Iruka seemed fine.

"I - I finished my choco-banana and was looking for the garbage bin. Mama said to throw stuff in the garbage. And - and when I just went to the corner, everyone disappeared." Iruka's voice cracked. "And I couldn't see Nato-san or Sakara-san and Sai-san! And Tencho-san and Lee-san! Even Princess-san! And Shika-san! And Neji-san and Tenten-san!"

The trio blinked, confused and chorused, "Princess-san?" 

Iruka promptly _flushed_ , looking away and rubbing his eye with the fist that still held the barbecue stick that previously held his choco-banana.

"The pretty ninja with yellow hair. Like Mama's necklace." Iruka murmured and swallowed. "A-Ah! Don't tell her that! It's emarrassing! She might get mad!"

No one even batted an eyelash at the mispronounced names and words. Everyone was busy being rather surprised at how red Iruka kept getting, while he dug his toes into the ground, scuffling a bit. Iruka was also pointedly _not_ looking at Neji.

"You think Ino is like a princess?" Neji sounded fairly amused. For a Hyuuga.

Mutely, they waited for a reply. 

And they were not disappointed.

Except maybe for Neji. But that was probably due to embarrassment and being completely disarmed by a four-year-old. And one that was his previous instructor too.

"Ino-san looks like the princess in the tower in my picture book! She's so pretty and really strong like a ninja! And - and also - she has green eyes like Princess-san! Also --" Iruka swallowed, flicked a glance at Nehi and flushed to the roots of his hair. "Neji-san looks like Doll-san in the book too and -- and --" Iruka ducked behind Tenzou's leg, who was guffawing.

Tenten looked like she was going to split her sides from laughing and Shikamaru's shit-eater-smirk was so wide, his face would have split in half.

" _What?_ " Neji asked, rather breathless and ears tinting red.

There was a tiny meep as Iruka pressed his face into Tenzou's pant-leg, who was still laughing as he picked the boy up and cradled him against the crook of his arm, disposing of the barbecue stick, chuckling the entire time.

"Maybe it's time for a make-over, ne, Neji~" Tenten was _grinning._

"A haircut might do wonders." Shikamaru said, almost boredly had it not been for the smirk.

Neji glared daggers at the two.

"All right, all right. Why don't we get lunch? I'm sure the rest can find us when they decide to find us." Tenzou said, feeling a little depleted from nearly having a nervous breakdown earlier.

"Ne, Iruka, you like barbecue?" Tenten asked as she redid Iruka's ponytail, straightening his yukata collar.

Iruka's toes were wiggling as he gripped Tenzou around his neck. 

"Barbecue is the best!" 

\--

Tenzou wasn't around while their appetizers were being served and Tenten was busy conversing with their server. Which really left only Shikamaru and Neji free and open to Iruka's curiosity. Obviously, Iruka gravitated towards Shikamaru because he couldn't stop flushing everytime he looked at Neji.

Iruka also looked a little constipated everytime he did look at Neji.

"Shika-san?" Iruka tugged at Shikamaru's sleeve, since he was seated between Shikamaru and Tenzou. Iruka looked like he was trying to be discreet.

And failing.

Any ninja worth their salt would have been able to _hear_ Iruka clearly. Or read his lips.

Neji was looking right at him -- not that Iruka would now. It was hard to tell with a Hyuuga, after all.

"Hmmn?"

"Is -- Is Neji-san mad?"

Shikamaru pieced two and two together immediately. "No he's not."

"Is Neji-san sick?" 

"I doubt that."

"Does he need to go to the bathroom?"

"I'm sure if he did, he would have gone by now."

"Is he sad?"

"I don't think so."

Iruka sat back on his cushion and stared at his cooling tea cup and the salad mound in the middle of the table. Shikamaru was quirking an eye at Neji who looked fascinatingly red around the ears. _Again._

A few seconds ticked by in awkward (for Neji) and amused (for Shikamaru) silence before Iruka tugged at Shikamaru's sleeve again.

"Shika-san, are you sure Neji-san is not angry?" 

It was starting to get a little stupid.

"Why don't you ask Neji?" Shikamaru turned to Neji, devil-may-care smirk on his lips again. "Hey Neji, you mad?"

Iruka looked like he was going to have an epileptic fit.

Neji looked like he was going to shit. Or something.

"No, Iruka, I'm not mad. Or sad. Or sick." Neji answered and after a beat, he added, "I also do not need the bathroom."

And got a bit of a knee slap from Tenten for being so cold-sounding. To a child at least. Though to anyone who knew Neji, it might have sounded a little bashful, even.

Obviously, since Iruka wasn't really exposed to the mannerisms of Hyuuga Neji, the boy freaked.

And when the boy freaked, apparently, so did Neji.

"I'm honored you would think my features resemble that of a doll, Iruka." Neji spoke calmly and collectively. He would have made a fantastic actor. But everyone and their shoe knew that Neji was feeling severely awkward. It was all over his trying-to-be-poker-faced face. "It's a great compliment to receive from someone I respect."

"O-Oh…" Iruka _flushed_.

And that was how Tenzou found all of them when he returned.

Shikamaru was looking right at Tenten and short-field-handing, did Neji just babble?

Yep. Totally, Tenten responded in kind.

Neji looked like he wanted to perform his Hakke technique on _all_ the occupants of their little table. Minus Iruka.

"T-Then --" Iruka fussed with the pocket in his sleeve and pulled out a wrapped toffee in striped wrappings "F-For you, Neji-san!" 

There was something to be said about ninjas laughing in a completely poker-faced manner. The silence that fell upon the table was so great because even if they were all sitting like people surrounding a Daimyo in a formal tea ceremony, they were _all_ trying not to react too _obviously_. For Neji's sake.

If Naruto were present, he would have been cracking walls from laughter already.

Awkwardly, Neji accepted the toffee from the the bowing and two-hand offering Iruka was doing. "T-Thank you."

"Ehh, what about us, Iruka~" Tenzou teased. "Or are toffees just for _dolls_ now?"

"A-Ah! No! Because in the story book, Doll-san liked sweet things before he was cursed by the bad witch and turned into a doll and taken away from his palace, because the witch was mad that he was good king --" Iruka flushed and started shaking his sleeves for more candy only to end up spilling empty wrappers around his floor cushion. "No more!" Iruka looked a little panicked. "I'm sorry, Tencho-san! Shika-san! Tenten-san! I have no more candies!"

"It's okay, Iruka. Dolls should get the priority~" Tenten singsonged and pretended that Neji wasn't glaring at her as he tucked the candy into his pocket with slightly pink cheeks.

"Iruka, did you eat _all that?_ " Tenzou counted at least ten empty wrappers and felt like banging his head against a hard surface.

"But Sai-san gave them to me! And said he would get me more if I finished it!"

Tenzou was going to kick Sai into a freezing fucking river. 

And leave Sakura to lecture him about children and candy-diets or something.

"Right. No more candies! At least save them for later." Tenzou admonished as he tucked a napkin around Iruka's neck in a makeshift bib just as their server started bringing the rest of their food. Iruka didn't even hear half of Tenzou's lecture because he was so busy making excited noises at how nice their food looked.

Shikamaru was sighing and rubbing his temple. Tenzou simply mirrored the gesture.

This entire outing was the _dumbest_ suggestion ever.

\-- 

It continued becoming the dumbest suggestion when the rest of the teams finally found them and flocked like a bunch of squawking pelicans, pulling chairs and crowding around the table.

"How could you eat without us! We were looking all over -- that's cruel!" Naruto sounded utterly heart broken, wedging himself beside Shikamaru and Iruka.

"You could have called us, you know." Ino sighed, attempting to sit herself beside Iruka too, but Sakura was blocking the way.

"At least everyone is here now!" Gai boomed. 

"Let us all eat together!"

"Lee, you were gone for almost an hour. We already ate." Tenten pointed out.

"Then eat again!" Gai suggested. "And later, we shall train to further benefit from the nutrients we shall consume!"

"Yosh! Fifty laps for a warm up!"

"Oh, sit down already!" Tenten and Sakura hissed.

"I'm not hungry anymore…" Iruka murmured, rubbing his full belly and looking a little guilty. "Sorry we ate without you, Nato-san! But Tencho-san said you would come later! But you took so long! And Sakara-san and Chouji-san and Lee-san and Gai-san and Sai-san and Princess-san --" Iruka immediately clamped a hand to his mouth. Flushing.

"Princess-san?"

All eyes were on Ino. Who giggled and cooed and placed a nice warm kiss on Iruka's cheek, leaving the boy flaming red and ducking his head, lips pursed. So red Iruka was that it was starting to border on purple.

"That's so sweet of you, Iruka~ You're my favorite man in the world~"

Iruka stammered and floundered and swallowed and felt so shy, twiddling his fingers. Sakura would have punched Ino when the young woman was rubbing how she was more doll-like than her had it not been for Naruto teasing Iruka and elbowing him along the ribs. It was indeed so surreal that Tenzou couldn't even keep a straight face. He could see it clearly, why Kakashi loved Iruka so much. Why Kakashi would do anything for him. 

"Heh, Iruka you little sly thing~" Naruto grinned.

Iruka bit his lower lip, eyes twinkling at Naruto. "Princess-san said I am a man~"

Tenzou shook his head to himself, making eye contact with Gai, who seemed to share his thoughts.

_You have no idea, Iruka._

\-- 

"Hey, hey, why did you get Iruka-sensei a pink bird?" Naruto pointed at the palm sized stuffed bird in Sakura's hand. "He's a guy!"

"Obviously, a yellow one would be better suited!" Ino quipped, holding out a stuffed canary of the same size dangling by a leg in her hand.

"Your duck is still ugly, Ino!" Sakura glared. "And it's a flamingo, Naruto! Learn the difference! They're pink!"

"But he's a guy! The hell is he gonna do with a pink bird!"

"Eh, I don't think it really matters." Tenten said, who had a monkey the size of a forearm in her hands, limbs exaggeratedly long.

"In the common conception of gender-based stuffed toys for children, it would seem Tenten-san had the most sense when selecting what was appropriate. Sakura-san and Ino-san clearly, you've made a stupid decision and poor --"

Sai was promptly elbowed very sharply in the ribs by Sakura, effectively silencing him. 

Tenzou wished they would just _stop_ already. 

But that just wishful thinking on his part.

As it was, Chouji appeared with a stuffed rabbit tucked in the crook of his arms, Lee had a giant green lettuce with eyes and limbs, and even Gai decided it would be wise to get Iruka a toy too. Tenzou was wondering where they were going to shove all those toys, or how on earth they execpted Iruka to hold all of them, when a panda joined the group.

A huge fucking panda.

That turned out to be Neji.

Damn thing was bigger than the Hyuuga.

And it was what made Iruka breathless, and squealing and tugging at Neji's pant legs and petting the panda leg. It was also what made the group sort of get along and break into a whole new bout of teasing. Tenzou knew he wasn't going to win with this at all so he just let it be, standing quietly next to Naruto while everyone fussed and started bickering mildly. Again.

Tenzou wasn't blind though, to notice that it was only Naruto who didn't get Iruka _anything_. 

It was much later that he was proved wrong when everyone had gone their separate ways with a promise of seeing each other again very soon, all the toys sitting in a makeshift wooden crate that Tenzou _had_ to make, that he understood Naruto's plan. 

He was coming up by the gate, where Naruto and Iruka were waiting for him to head home, Sakura having gone ahead to the hospital (some emergency or the other) and Sai who had to finish up a report before a certain time period, when Tenzou heard the exchange.

"That's a lot of toys."

"Everyone is so nice to me, Nato-san. I want to do something, too."

"You will. When you can. When you grow up and stuff, you won't forget us." Naruto crouched so that he was eye to eye with Iruka, who looked a little confused at the words, but nodded anyway. "I know you miss your parents, Iruka. But you're not alone. When you look at all those stuff everyone got you, you should remember today."

Iruka's eyes turned towards the toys and his dimples hollowed just the tiniest bit.

"We're you're family too, ne? We love you." Naruto's hand was so big, resting on top of Iruka's little head, smoothing the bangs off his face while his hand reached into his pocket, pulling out a chord that looked like a necklace of some sort. "If what happened to me happens to you, if your parents don't come back, I'm here. You're like my little brother. No, wait a second. That's not right."

"Nato-san...?" Iruka blinked, confused and flushing and looking sad and hopeful all at the same time while Naruto slipped the chord over his head and tightened it, tucking what looked like a gemstone of sorts under Iruka's collar.

"You _are_ my little baby brother." Naruto pressed their foreheads together. "You'll never be alone."

Tenzou decided to not interrupt the moment, allowing the two a few more minutes as he stared up at the sky. 

Kakashi sure is a lucky man, to have been surrounded by people like Naruto.

He is _lucky_ to have Iruka.

The part where Tenzou wondered when he'd have something like _that_ too was promptly squashed and kicked to the ground when he jumped off his perch on the tree he was eavesdropping from and went to buy something for tomorrow's afternoon snack.

\--

When Kakashi strolled into his home that fine morning when the birds were chirping, the skies were clear, and he was all dusty and crusty around the edges, he thought to himself what a nice day it would be to have a picnic by the pond. Maybe he could get them some noodles, or some sandwiches, hell, maybe he'd get Iruka to help make them and sneak in a bit of grip training while handling the knife. He thought, maybe, since they would always have some old bread in the pantry that Iruka kept aside, they could feed the koi. 

So he found it a little odd that one of the kois were swimming funny, like it had a broken fin or something (since he came in from the back wall of their house instead of the front door like normal people).

He also found it a little strange that his house had new sliding doors. They looked the same, but they were new. It wasn't as grainy as the old ones.

But what he wasn't prepared for was the _racket_ coming from the kitchen.

Or the dough that promptly smacked him in the face when he popped his head into the kitchen backdoor.

It was a fucking disaster.

The entire kitchen was _white_. There was a distinct smell of vanilla and something charring hanging in the kitchen that really resembled more of a war zone. There were a pile of dishes in the sink and one awkward looking, dough sticky Tenzou, with patches of white on his usually pristine customary navies, hair swooped to one side and blotched with something that looked like (and smelled like) banana paste. He didn't look like he was able to wash _all_ the dishes in time.

And Sai looked like he was trying a little too hard with the piping bag.

And Sakura really should have known better than to argue with Naruto about what bag of flour to use.

But what they all should have known better to do was to leave Iruka with huge bowl of -- was that fucking cookie dough he was eating with _both_ his fists?!

_"Kashi-san!"_

The chaos came to a stand still.

Iruka was jumping up and down by Kakashi's feet while Kakashi just _stared_ at his poor kitchen, while Iruka continued being like one of those jumping frogs at a toy store, begging for attention.

Tenzou didn't seem to have an excuse.

"Senpai." He said, holding a dish brush in one hand. "I don't think I _can_ explain."

Kakashi sort of wished that he could.

This was just not cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is keeping up with the manga, you will know that there is MUCH WRONGNESS with this entire chapter. Especially because some people are present when they shouldn't be, given the setting of the story and it being post-war and shit.
> 
> But yeah, no, I ain't rewriting things and I like DOLL-SAN OKAY?! Doll-san freaking stays if I can help it. Hmph!
> 
> Man, when is this gonna END already.


	6. You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Tenzou doesn't get it. And Iruka doesn't get it. And then Kakashi doesn't get it. And nobody fucking gets it!
> 
> Beta'd by sub_textual

 

It was probably safe to say that Tenzou will never fully understand how it was Kakashi did the things he was able to do. It wasn’t like Tenzou was in some sort of obsessive competition to outdo Kakashi or anything remotely insecure like that. But he would have liked it if his glare would have sent fully grown jounins and chuunins and one soon-to-be-Hokage in a cleaning frenzy that was so fast, it had taken fifteen minutes  _flat_  to clean the entire fucked up kitchen.

That included the tea bags that somehow, had ended up in the ceiling.

There was a bunch of good byes and suddenly, like he was waking up from a horrible nightmare, Tenzou found himself standing in the middle of the kitchen, dish brush in hand with one exhausted and slightly dusty looking  _senpai_  regarding him with his most unimpressed look.

Iruka was still hopping around by Kakashi’s feet, waving his arms and waiting to be picked up this  _entire time._

Well, the boy was busy momentarily admiring Naruto and the others flash this way and that and put things in its proper order and the jumping had ceased for a few minutes _then._ Though, at the back of his mind, Tenzou found himself wondering if children could damage their knees from jumping  _that_  much.

Kakashi placed his travel bag on the now pristine floor and bent over to finally pick Iruka up off the ground, who gave a happy  _squeal_  and threw his short and skinny arms around Kakashi’s neck, placing a big kiss on his cheek before just embracing him tight and pillowing his cheek on Kakashi’s shoulder. Tenzou wondered, if he would get the same treatment from Iruka, if he was the one who picked him up. Especially considering the fact that Kakashi had been ignoring the attention seeking boy for at least fifteen whole minutes. 

“Sit down, Tenzou.” Kakashi said, as he too took a seat on a stool, adjusting his arm around Iruka and propping him on the kitchen island, and not once shifting his head and shoulder away from where Iruka seemed content to just embrace him.

Tenzou found himself staring at the dish brush, then sat down.

“Welcome back, senpai.” Tenzou muttered, and felt his ears colour. “Like I said earlier, I don’t think I can explain.”

“Really, I left him in your care and I come back to a circus?” Kakashi seemed rather annoyed from where Tenzou was sitting. “Maa, I suppose the circus isn't that big of a deal, but what the hell were you doing _not_ watchinghim? He had an entire bowl of — what was it — “

“Cookie dough.”

“Really, Tenzou.”

The words were so deadpanned and so unimpressed that Tenzou almost said oh, shit out loud. But he was a seasoned ANBU and maybe, he may not have understood the whole family thing, or handling children thing, and maybe, he was never going to be as good as Kakashi when it came to shit like this. How could he be when the only time Tenzou started to spend time with people who first off, were younger than him and second, none of them really were ANBU, was when he was finally saddled with Team Seven? His ANBU teammates did not count because they were, well, ANBU. They were not exactly normal people. Normal people really had no place in ANBU. You had to be so fucked up in the head or you had to have no head to begin with (much like Tenzou) to be able to survive ANBU. And he, good old Tenzou or Cat or Yamato-taichou or whatever other name he was commanded to take for the time being, well, he was practically born and raised as ANBU. It was all he knew how to be. He was so comfortable being ANBU that it was a fucking miracle he even _survived_ Team Seven. 

Intact.

That entire experience had nearly given him a brain tumor. Sure, he has committed genocides of small villages and sometimes even levelled entire towns all in the name of duty. Sure, he has snapped necks of children that might have or were roughly the same size as Iruka’s, and sure he may have done that to newborns too. He may have even burned the bodies to eradicate all evidence. But if Tenzou were to club together all his experience that actually involved _children_ , well, they barely had any significance. After all, dead children don’t really count.

ANBU need to look into creating fucking manuals for fucking children. Or better yet, they needed to create a fucking manual or some sort of goddamn guide about this whole normal-people-world, thing. 

Tenzou knew where and when he didn’t fit in society or a particular setting.

This was one of them, no matter how fuzzy and warm and tickled-toes-feeling he would get from whenever Iruka directed all his attention to him or when Iruka hugged him, or when Iruka looked up at him like was some sort of fucking _hero_ , Tenzou always knew he was not part, and never will be a part, of this picture.

Tenzou was okay with that, he was acknowledging it, wasn’t he?

And it was not like Iruka was sick or something. Iruka was actually really enjoying the cookie dough and the stupid bowl had not been  _that big_  in the first place. Iruka’s stomach had consumed far more and _far worse_ than a bowl of cookie dough. Which he didn’t even finish, Tenzou wanted to point out.

So maybe, just maybe, to a seemingly normal parent, Tenzou might have done a down right bullshit job in taking care of the boy. But someone like Kakashi, who wasn’t all that great in all fairness when it came to things normal people do, Kakashi who was fucked up and Sharinganed Iruka as a kid to unconsciousness, who had lost his shit at a kid who was loosing his shit when said kid had broken his arm — really, and now Kakashi was going to actually  _lecture_  him about keeping an eye on the boy when he had what, eight other senses focused on Iruka to make sure he did not hurt himself?

“He’s in one piece.” Tenzou pointed out.

“That’s not that point.”

“Well, then by all means, senpai, why don’t  _you_  point out what the point is, exactly.” Tenzou said tiredly and barely managed to stop himself from throwing his arm in the air, feeling a slight pang of irritation when Kakashi simply raised his eyebrow and looked at him in a way that suggested Tenzou should've  _know_ n the point without Kakashi having to actually explain it to him. In a way that suggested  _you should know better._

And really, did Iruka have to keep embracing Kakashi  _like that_? This entire time?

The kid was fucking dramatic.

Tenzou was starting to feel a little used. Like he had just been a replacement for Iruka’s precious 'Kashi-san' and like all those nights when Iruka had been to scared to sleep and he came and laid beside Tenzou, or hugged him, or slept on his lap, had suddenly vanished. Like it never happened. For fuck’s sake, Tenzou had to pretend to be a damn _ostrich_ for Iruka! He even showed Iruka tricks and turned the top of his head into a flower bed at some point just to distract Iruka from his depressed state and to forget about his dead parents! Tenzou had turned himself into some sort of _fool_ for Iruka and would do so again and now Iruka suddenly seemed to think Kakashi was the sun of the entire solar system?

Well.

_Whatever._

His job here was done anyway. 

Besides, in the end, he was meant to be used, in the grand scheme of all things small and great, public or private. He was a tool to be used, in any way seen fit by the village. And that probably included his commander, who in fact, was someone being possibly nominated to step in as the Hokage until Naruto was ready. _So if you're feeling **used,** my dear old friend, find your balls and regrow them back out or something_ \-- really, being around a tiny Iruka, apparently, was putting all sorts of emotional ideas that Tenzou did not  _need_. This was fucking  _stupid_.

Tenzou held his hand up and stood up, pushing the stool back and turning to tuck the dish brush away. 

“He was waiting a long time for you. So, I’m going to leave you two to catch up. You’ll find that you actually have an incredibly well stocked kitchen, thanks to the  _circus_.” Tenzou was tugging the apron off his neck and hanging it over the hook by the door. “You know where to find me.” 

Kakashi just nodded and gave him some sort of hum goodbye, refocusing his attention back on Iruka.

“Bye, Iruka."  
  
Tenzou reached out to pat the boy’s head and his words seemed to have captured Iruka’s attention but Tenzou did not linger to see what the curious wide eyed look might morph to. He was already turning to walk out the kitchen, striding right for the front door so he could slip on his shoes and just wash his hands clean with this whole babysitting project that honestly, has probably ran him ragged emotionally without him realising it.  
  
(Like Tenzou actually had emotions to begin with.)

Tenzou liked order. And things that did not surprise him.  
  
Iruka was just full of surprises.

It was probably a good thing that he was finally able to leave.

“Tencho-san! Tencho-san! Where you going!” 

Iruka’s feet was echoing down the hallway and Tenzou was just fastening the last clasp of his left shoe when he saw tiny toes curling against the grain of the wood. Iruka did that when he was nervous. Like that time when he would ask Hawk about his parents. His toes were weird that way.

“I’m going home.”

“But I thought Tencho-san lives here, too!” 

Tenzou actually found himself looking up at _that_ statement. What had made Iruka think _that?_ Did Iruka not remember that time when Kakashi had told him that Tenzou was just going to stay for a short while till he got back? Maybe Iruka’s brain wasn’t as fully developed as it ought to be at this age.

“No, I don’t live here Iruka. I was only here to replace Kakashi and take care of you, remember?”

“But I love Tencho-san too!”

Tenzou freezes at that statement.

“Tencho-san is Tencho-san! He is not a re-pacement for Kashi-san! Please stay!” 

Tenzou had to get the fuck out of there. 

Iruka was a kid and he had no idea what the hell was talking about, he can barely even pronounce the words right, and now that Kakashi was here and Iruka was no longer his responsibility, Tenzou had the luxury of actually running away as fast as he fucking can.

“I gotta go, Iruka. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Tenzou didn’t bother to wait for an answer and he hastily murmured some form of goodbye at Kakashi, who came to stand beside the distressed boy, and without another look back was out the door. 

The moment Tenzou had stepped out into the afternoon sun and put distance between himself and the house, he thought he would start to feel relieved. But what surprised him was the fact that he wasn’t relieved. He actually felt like a total and utter tool and had half the mind to turn around and tell the annoying, loud, emotional half wit of a kid that he was still gonna see him. That he wasn’t going to completely disappear without a word like his dead parents did.

Or something.

Tenzou stopped halfway down the road and turned to look at the barely visible rooftop of the Hatake-Umino household from beyond the treeline.

Well, it was going to be a longer walk back.

Tenzou comforted himself by telling himself that it was probably better this way. The less ties to leave behind, the less likely any kid would get too attached. He comforted himself by telling himself that he was doing Iruka the fucking favour of the fucking century. An early lesson in life to further train the boy for what ultimately, will be his parents’ death.

So Tenzou wondered why, later that evening while nursing a bowl of popcorn and watching re-runs of _Yume_ , he was still like a complete and utter tool.

— 

Iruka felt that he has done something very wrong and that was the reason Tenzou left so fast.

He spent a good week trying to figure out what he must have done wrong that sent Tenzou away. Even if Tenzou did not live in Kakashi’s house, he left the house super fast like those times when his Mama would leave really fast and Papa would look unhappy. It always meant that Papa would be sad for a few days until eventually Mama came back. Iruka never understood why people had to walk away so fast and close doors behind him them and never look back. What if someone was trying to wave good bye at them or trying to cheer them on and tell them to their best? How will they see that? How will they know that the ones they are leaving behind loved them and cared for them if they won’t even look back? If you loved people, you’d always look back at them, right?

But for sure, Iruka knew he must have done something really wrong.

He spent the entire week observing the house. He even checked the garden to make sure that he actually did cover up the holes he had dug whenever he was out playing. Tenzou always told him to not ruin the garden. He checked if he watered the potted flowers Tenzou taught him to take care off because Tenzou said it would not make the plants happy if Iruka forgot to take care of it and Tenzou seemed to really like plants and stuff, so Iruka did his best to not forget. And he was sure he did not forget about the plants. 

Iruka also checked to make sure his crayons, blocks, pillows, and toys were all in one corner of the room, at his play spot under the window. Tenzou always told him that good men cleaned up after themselves and Princess-san said that he was a man so he made sure all his stuff were in one place. 

He ate all his meals and drank his milk too. He also never forgot to brush his teeth not once before bed when Tenzou was around.

So Iruka could not understand _why_ Tenzou would leave like _that._

It took a week but Iruka reached the conclusion that maybe, Tenzou was in a hurry because he had a mission. And that maybe after his mission, Tenzou will come visit. After all, Iruka told him that he loved Tenzou very much. People visited their loved ones, didn’t they?

So Iruka was momentarily pacified and because Kakashi was back, the wait for Tenzou to return did not feel as slow. 

At least, not during the first week.

By the second week however, Iruka was starting to really miss Tenzou and he wondered if maybe Kakashi would know where he was or if he had returned from his mission. Iruka wouldn’t say that he was feeling upset or that he was feeling lonely, either. Kakashi was always taking him to the parks and letting him play with the dogs, and one weekend, Kakashi even took him somewhere really far away, where it was warmer than Konoha, to a river to swim. Iruka loved the swimming trip so much that the next week, Kakashi took him to another very, _very faraway_ beach and allowed him to play in the sand and dig holes and make molehills homes for the all the crabs and starfish. It was so much fun that Iruka could not stop talking about the beach for _days_.

Days went by in a blur because Kakashi was always taking him out and showing him new things. Kakashi even took him to a movie and got him a big bowl of caramel popcorn!

It was one day however, when Iruka was eating breakfast that he happened to look at the fridge door where there was a calendar hanging by a magnet, mid-way into finishing his toast with chocolate spread (it was his new favourite and happened to be Sakara-san’s favourite too!) that he realised it has been a _very_ long time since he last saw Tenzou.

And not once, even when they were home after their trips, did Tenzou come visit. 

“Kashi-san? Is Tencho-san going to visit us soon?” Iruka asked, looking at Kakashi and watching him stare back, as he put his cup of coffee down.

“He’s not in Konoha, Iruka. He is out on a mission.”

“Oh.” Iruka turned to look back at his half eaten toast with the intention of finishing it except now he doesn’t feel like he was very hungry anymore. “Okay.” Iruka picked up his cup milk, drained the contents and then looked at Kakashi. “Kashi-san, can I go play now?”

“Outside…?”

“I can play inside, Kashi-san. Mama always told me not to stay out too long in the cold, so I’ll stay inside today.” Iruka paused. “I want to draw pictures.”

When Kakashi gave Iruka a nod of agreement, Iruka carefully pushed himself off his special chair, the one that Tenzou had specially made for him, and climbed his way down. He was in his spot by the window within seconds and taking out his box of crayons and new sketchbook and like he promised, started to draw pictures. And continued to draw more until he used up half of his sketchbook hoping and hoping that the pain his chest would eventually subside.

—

Kakashi was pretty sure that he had a tumor expanding in his head.

While Kakashi was a master of hiding his feelings (with or without a mask on), he was no special master in controlling the uncontrollable and almost ridiculous amount of worrying and fretting he seemed to be doing for the past month and a half since his return. It had to be some sort of witchcraft now, because Iruka was not capable of jutsus. Apparently, with the worrying and fretting, much to Kakashi’s chagrin, his logic and reasonable thinking went out the window too. He found himself mentally conking himself in the head for even blaming his emotional state on witchcraft from where he was hanging silently in the corner ceiling of the living room with a new book labelled, _Know Your Child’s Emotions Well_ , like some sort of stalking bat, watching Iruka go at his sketchbook like he was possessed.

Kakashi wondered if Sakura would humour him if he asked for a brain scan, just in case.

In all fairness, Kakashi had to give himself a gold star for being a trooper with Iruka’s sudden and very strange depression. Kakashi called it depression because Iruka was exhibiting minute signs of it according to the books he was reading. While Iruka still played a lot, he did not play _that much_. While he still dug holes in the garden, played with whatever animal he found, Iruka did not do as much as he once did, and seemed content to just stare at his potted plants and sometimes just sit by the pond and look at the trees. Kakashi had counted the amount of holes Iruka dug as homes and kept a tally of it over the course of the past month and a half, and compared that number to what Kakashi had in his memory from before he left. Iruka had gone from digging a staggering ten to a mere two. Three on a good day.

And then today, Iruka did not even _finish_ his toast with chocolate-hazelnut spread. When normally Iruka would have asked for a second piece!

Iruka loved that shit!

He doesn’t even ask for ramen anymore!

Everything Iruka was doing was _not_ normal.

From the moment of Kakashi returned, he  observed Iruka for forty-eight hours, and then started planning. With the weather getting chilly, it drastically reduced the amount of things they could do outdoors, and after Sakura informed him of Iruka getting very sick during the course of his absence, Kakashi was not willing to risk anything. He already ticked off the river and the beach and that had been a very long trip away from Konoha with a child strapped to his back. Iruka had lost so much energy on the trip alone that Kakashi was actually _hesitating_ if he wanted to dare take Iruka somewhere he might enjoy that had a warmer climate.

And it was too early for snow. It wasn’t like it even snowed in Konoha, not heavily anyway. 

Iruka would have loved snow.

Kakashi sighed from his perch and changed position to crouch in the corner instead, flipping over a page. He was momentarily distracted when, some hours later, Iruka put his crayon down and just sat there in his play spot, staring at the window. Kakashi could not understand why Iruka kept looking at the fucking window _like that_. Or staring off into space _like that_. Kakashi had been pretty sure he was doing a superb job of distracting Iruka out of his depression (how Kakashi hated that word) but it was like Kakashi’s efforts were simply moot. Iruka just seemed to look _sad_ all the time now.

He was not his cute, happy and excited self.

And he certainly wasn't at one hundred percent capacity.

And Kakashi swore to keep him cute, happy and excited at one hundred percent capacity. Any other number beneath that was simply not fucking acceptable.

Iruka suddenly got up from his spot, looking quite distressed and turned to run out of the living room and up the stairs to his room. This, in return, stressed Kakashi out even _more_ and made his heart palpitate with mild panic as he stealthily followed Iruka to his room, undetected, and found him rummaging through his small chest drawer to pull out a small container. Kakashi recognised it as those over-the-counter chewable vitamins for children, and also recalled Sakura telling him something about her giving Iruka a container of it. Kakashi was not very concerned about the vitamins, but he was concerned at how Iruka opened the lid and looked inside only to find it empty. Shaking it upside down rigorously and not get anything seemed to upset Iruka because much to Kakashi’s outright horror, the boy started to fucking _cry_.

Kakashi wanted to hop off his perch in the shadows and scoop Iruka in his arms and tell him that it was going to be okay.

The only thing that stopped him were his tactical thoughts because he wanted to get to the bottom of Iruka’s depression, he wanted to solve it, take its pathetic carcass and set it on fire until there was nothing left but ashes.

So with something harsh clenching in his chest, Kakashi watched as Iruka cried for a minute straight and then somehow managed to calm himself down, enough to wipe the tears off his face. The lid on the container went back on and Iruka stood up, container in both his hands and went for the bathroom where he started to wash his face and dry it with the towel hanging on the rack. Then, Kakashi followed him down the staircase and into the kitchen where Iruka looked left and right, then back to the living room, then down the hallway.

“Kashi-san?” Iruka called out, and that was when Kakashi retreated further into the shadows and made himself visible by the study’s door.

“I’m here, Iruka.” He said, tucking his book away and moving to kneel on the floor so he was at eye level when Iruka approached him.

“My medicine is finish.” Iruka said, holding up his container of vitamins at Kakashi.

Kakashi took it, gave it a once-over and then turned to look at Iruka. “Why do you have this medicine?”

“It’s for the pain here.” Iruka said, pointing at his chest. “Sakara-san is a good medic. She told me that when I feel pain here, I should take one. And only if I feel pain here. But I’m always feeling pain here and I take one almost every day and now it’s finish. She said it will take a long time for the medicine to work. So now I have no more medicine, can we please get more?”

Kakashi simply _stared_.

And decided to deflect from agreeing or disagreeing.

“Do you know why you feel the pain in your chest?”

“I used to feel it when I think of mama and papa. And when Kashi-san was gone.” Iruka looked down at his feet, where his toes were curled in. Kakashi noted that Iruka was nervous about speaking. “But now, I get it a lot when I think of Tencho-san.”

On the spot, Kakashi could have sworn he would have been be able to dictate to medical professionals exactly what it felt like to have his head explode right off his shoulders.

“Kashi-san, did I do something wrong?” Iruka asked, looking up at him with a furrow in between his brows and trying his best to not have another breakdown of sorts.

Kakashi was going to beat the living crap out of Tenzou and into the next fucking _life!_

“What do you mean?” Kakashi reached out and placed hand on the top of Iruka’s head, gently smoothing his loose hair down.

“I think I did something wrong because Tencho-san left so fast and so angry. People who leave like that only leave when you do something wrong.”

Kakashi had a thousand thoughts in that single second.

Either Iruka was not treated that well by his caretakers when his parents were not around, or Iruka was made witness to fights he should not have been witness to, or there was a possibility of Iruka being witness to heated arguments his parents might have had. Conflicting mission schedules were not an uncommon thing amongst ninja parents, especially when both parents were active field shinobi. Kakashi only knew this _now_ because in his quest to solve and understand Iruka’s psyche, he had immersed himself in power reading through books and books on children born to shinobi parents. He was never good with this whole kids things. That had been Iruka's forte. 

(Or really, he could just kick Tenzou in the face.)

“Ahh…” Kakashi responded, quite intelligently, too. “Well, I don’t think you did anything wrong, Iruka.”

Iruka said nothing.

And Kakashi felt like breaking something in that instant. He can handle Iruka asking a lot of questions, he can handle Iruka talking about child-nonsense, being noisy, running and screaming down the hallways and, overall, making a lot of noise, but what Kakashi found himself unable to handle was Iruka being _quiet._  

Kakashi needed an _ultimate_ distraction and fast.

His mind went into overdrive and tried to think of something big and epic, and so distracting that it would buy him enough time to hunt his shit of a kouhai down and teach him a lesson about walking out on _emotionally delicate_ _children_ like that. Kakashi started to calculate the distance between the Fire Country and the Snow Country and realised, it would take _days_ to reach there safely without going too fast on foot, and Iruka would probably end up projectile-vomiting the entire time. 

Or he could just _make_ snow instead.

Kakashi was a fucking genius, indeed.

“Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll go get you your medicine, hmm? It’s also starting to get cold so we need to get you some warmer clothes. You can play outside tomorrow if you’re dressed warmly. How about that?”

“Okay.” Iruka nodded and turned to go up the stairs to change.

Kakashi straightened then, made a clone of himself and sent him away to the backyard to take care of the snow, out of Iruka’s sight and knowledge. Kakashi had opted to pick Iruka up off the ground while they were walking because Iruka always seemed happier when he was picked up and carried. Kakashi would never dare admit how it broke his heart just the tinniest bit when Iruka simply wrapped his arms around neck and hung very still on his person, chin on his shoulder. No excited talk, no curious questions about the things he saw in the market, and not even pointing at the sweet stalls.

Just a silent, soft, delicate lump of depression, hanging right there on Kakashi’s shoulder.

Kakashi fucking _hated_ it.

Iruka did seem to cheer up a bit when they finally bought his vitamins, and had enough of an appetite to attempt a small bowl of ramen. Kakashi encouraged him to take one vitamin to feel better and a good hour later, with a bag of winter clothes and Iruka dressed in warm socks, gloves, and a fluffy parka with a hoodie that made him look like a small furry animal, they were heading home.

A very, very white winter wonderland home.

The Hatake-Umino household was covered in snow, the koi pond frozen in clear ice. And right there, from beyond the gates of the house where the land was still green, it was visible how unnatural the entire thing was to anyone who would walk by because Konoha did not get snow _this thick_ , if it even snowed _at all_. But not to Iruka. Iruka looked like he has never seen snow in his life and was staring with a flabbergasted wide eyed wonder at the entire garden. Then he looked up at Kakashi with a bright glow in his eyes that Kakashi hasn’t seen in _days_.

“Kashi-san! Our house is white!”

There was something about how Iruka said _our house_ that warmed something in Kakashi’s chest, spreading all over his toes and feet and gently dusting warmth over his cheeks. Iruka was impressed. Iruka looked _happy_. Iruka called Kakashi’s house (which technically belonged to Iruka’s adult self too) _our house_. This little Iruka finally, no matter how temporary, had it in himself to call this house _our house_. Ours meaning his and Kakashi’s!

“Yes, it is.” Kakashi took the small bag of "medicine" away from where Iruka had it slung over his shoulder and tucked it inside the rest of the things he was holding. “Do you want to go play?”

“Can I?!” Iruka was already bouncing on his feet.

“I’ll come play with you, too.”

“Kashi-san is the best!” Iruka threw his arms around Kakashi’s leg in a hug, which tore out a short huff of laughter (that surprised Kakashi) out of Kakashi’s throat, before turning and bolting across the garden and throwing himself face first into the snow. “It’s so cold! And soft!” Iruka started to roll left and right and then in circles.

Kakashi felt a moment of absolute relief and peace as he headed back into the house to put the things they bought away.

But only for a moment.

Now that he had successfully distracted Iruka from being depressed, Kakashi had enough space in his most definitely tumor infested brain, to think of how he was going to beat Tenzou black and blue. He dispatched one of his summons out to keep an eye on Tenzou’s arrival because once Tenzou returned from his mission, Kakashi was going to give him a piece of his mind.

It was sometime during the middle of showing Iruka how to throw snowballs at a target that Kakashi had a brilliant idea.

Tenzou was going to be his new dummy for target practice.

For a year.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. Run Tenzou, run!
> 
> Well this chapter only took two years to write. Hopefully I’ll cough up the next one soon.


	7. There are three kinds of people. Those who can count, and those who cannot.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things finally started to make sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by [sub_textual](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sub_textual/pseuds/sub_textual)

Tenzou was sure that he was in deep shit from the moment he saw Bisuke napping on the rug by his apartment door.

Tenzou was tired. Tenzou was dusty. Tenzou had a headache and was hungry and wanted nothing more than to drown in a tub of chicken broth because he was sick and tired of eating dried food. But even his senses could not overlook the fact that Kakashi sent his cutest and most adorable summon to wait for him. If things were serious, Kakashi always sent Pakkun. But if shit was about to go down, and Kakashi wanted to lull you into a false sense of security, he sent Bisuke. It was like the fluffy summon’s cuteness was meant to thwart one’s sense of caution but Tenzou knew better. He’s known Kakashi for years, and the fact that Bisuke simply looked up at him, yawned and started to scratch his neck with a hind leg only seemed to prove a point.

Sending Bisuke over was one thing.

Sending a very _relaxed_ Bisuke was another.

So, Tenzou stood there for a good solid minute, towering over the not-giving-a-fuck summon in his full ANBU gear, and did not bother to take the mask off, staring down at the ball of fluff.

“Hey, Bisuke.”

“Hi, Tenzou-san.” Bisuke huffed, shaking his head and sitting on his hind legs. “Boss wants to see you.”

“How fucked am I?” Tenzou asked without batting an eyelash.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tenzou-san. He just wants to see you. As soon as you can.” Bisuke yawned again.

Tenzou was royally fucked.

“Right.” Tenzou sighed, digging out his keys and disarming the wards. A cloud of dust rose when he stepped into his apartment and Bisuke trotted inside, leaving paw prints all over the place.

“Hey, do you have anything to eat?”

Tenzou almost threw his mask at the goddamn little shit. He had been to hell and back two countries over, practically ran all the way back to Konoha because he didn’t want to spend another day without modern day amenities. He wanted to take a shower and eat, and just hole up in his apartment and not interact with the outside world until his next mission, and here was this little shit, who was totally working his fool-Tenzou-completely-technique by asking if he had any food. Tenzou wanted to ask him if he looked like he had any food to begin with.

Then again, it was probably all part of the tactic in the first place.

“No, sorry.” Tenzou shrugged and started to strip off his armour, tucking it away into a secure cupboard in his room.

“Oh, okay.” Bisuke sat himself in the corner of Tenzou’s room and watched him dress down and step into the bathroom.

“Are you supposed to take me to Kakashi-senpai’s house or something?”

“Nope.”

“Are you going to leave?”

“Nope.”

“Is Iruka back to normal yet?”

“Nope.”

Tenzou surprised himself then, when he swore so foully under his breath and his hands gripped the bathroom sink a little too tightly that his knuckles turned white. Try as he might, Tenzou knew that he was dodging Iruka as if he were dodging the black plague. He did not want to see the kid. He did not want to interact with the kid. In fact, the further away he was from the kid, the better. He was remotely surprised that in the almost full month he was gone from the village, nearly everything reminded him of Iruka.

There was a time when he was camping out in the wild in between travels that he would find himself actually chuckling at a memory, like that one time when Iruka was going on and on about the ostriches. Tenzou found himself going through so many memories like one would go through reruns of _Yume._ There were nights when Tenzou never realised that he was doing it continuously and without even thinking about it. So much so, that when he was camping out one night and saw a few dwarf bunnies by the bush he was hiding behind, he had thought of capturing a few and taking them back to Iruka, because Iruka would take care of them and would love them as if they were his family.

Tenzou actually wanted to catch bunnies for Iruka.

He was willing to carry bunnies all the way back to Konoha. For Iruka.

That was three weeks ago.

Since then, Tenzou put incredible effort into blocking out every single thought and memory that had a tiny Iruka involved. With Bisuke in his apartment reminding him that Iruka was still a three year old, whatever effort and wall he had managed to erect all came crashing down.

“Is Iruka upset?” Tenzou asked, after a long period of silence.

“Boss really wants to speak to you, Tenzou-san.”

Tenzou balled a fist and nearly slammed it against the sink but refrained at the last moment and chose to grip it instead. He could stay there and hide all he wanted, but he knew that sooner or later, if he didn’t show up, Kakashi was going to come find him.

“Give me a minute to submit my report.” Tenzou muttered and sighed, resigning himself to a fate that he did not want.

He went through the process of cleaning up clinically and methodically. He got dressed, wrote down his report, dropped it off into the Hokage’s hands and then took the long walk towards Kakashi’s house. Somewhere between leaving the Hokage’s office and picking up a cup of tea from the office pantry, Bisuke had disappeared, knowing with full confidence that Tenzou was indeed going to see Kakashi. The dog did not need to know that Tenzou took the longest possible route and that it was almost ten in the evening by the time he found himself staring at a snow covered Hatake-Umino household. He was standing in the middle of the garden, knowing that Kakashi would have sensed him by now. It also seemed that the wards that allowed him to enter still remained intact.

That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

The light in the kitchen was still on. Tenzou managed to gather what was left of his pride and balls, and knocked, only to be greeted by one blank faced, neutral looking Kakashi staring at him from the doorway.

“Senpai.”

“Tenzou.”

Kakashi turned to walk down the hallway, leaving the door open and nodded in the direction of the kitchen, which Tenzou headed straight for, choosing to stand by the kitchen island. There was nothing different about the kitchen, save for a few new drawings on the fridge. Iruka’s eating utensils were sitting on the drying rack by the sink, probably from when they must have had dinner a few hours ago. Tenzou had to stretch his senses out, and could barely pick up an undeveloped chakra signature, peaceful and steady where he knew Iruka’s bedroom was located.

Kakashi came back into the kitchen with a sketch book and set it over one of the stools. “Where did they send you this time?” Kakashi asked,  moving to put on the kettle and started to measure some tea leaves into a cup.

“Marsh Country, then Demon Country.” Tenzou watched Kakashi move, before his eyes fell on the sketchbook.

“Mm…”

The silence was almost suffocating Tenzou and he had to wonder if Iruka was okay at all, or if he was sick again. He looked at the kitchen window from where he could see the now, thick and white. “You made snow.”

Kakashi simply hummed and it could have meant anything, from condescension to agreement. It was hard to tell. Tenzou had to wonder, because upon a closer observation, the man seemed _tired._ There was tension in between shoulders and in the set of his jaw. Even if he played it up and made it look lazy, that he didn’t care, Tenzou knew better. Kakashi was worried about something, and Tenzou made the most logical conclusion.

“Are you being sent out again, Senpai?” Kakashi set two mugs of tea on the island, sliding into one of the stools. Tenzou could smell the lavender and chamomile, and realised that Kakashi had picked a tea mixture that was meant to relax and aid sleep. “Because, if you need someone to take care of Iruka, I’m not sure —“

“I don’t.” Kakashi cut him off, not quite as harsh, but it had been a clean slice through Tenzou’s words. “I’m not being sent anywhere anytime soon.”

Tenzou blinked, unsure.

“Then why am I here?” Tenzou finally asked, cutting through the bullshit. He was tired from all angles, and he wanted a clean, peaceful day the next day. He didn’t want to deal with mission specifics, politics, or personal drama the few days he had off. He just wanted to be a vegetable. He could have shown up the next day or the day after, but Tenzou wanted whatever it was to be over and done with.

So, it surprised Tenzou when for a moment, even Kakashi looked unsure.

“Did Iruka offend you in any way? Did he upset you or do something wrong?” Kakashi asked, meeting Tenzou’s fairly surprised look.

Out of all the questions Kakashi could have asked Tenzou, those were not what he expected. For a moment, Tenzou felt like a fish out of water. They were fairly ridiculous, if not foolish questions. Tenzou wasn’t even sure if they were trick questions or not but then again, even Kakashi had sounded just a touch unsure. It was only a fraction of a second though, because Tenzou watched as Kakashi’s gaze hardened to something a little more solid, something that made Tenzou realise, well shit, the questions were actually quite serious. It made Tenzou blink away in thought, going through the series of events that had taken place during the course of him becoming Iruka’s guardian.

“Nothing I can think of. He’s what, three years old? He’s hardly capable of offending me let alone upsetting me. He may have almost hurt himself a few times, sure, that was quite upsetting, but — no, Iruka has not offended me, nor has he done anything wrong.”  The words came out even, confident because it was nothing short of the truth.

Kakashi took a sip of his tea before he reached out to the side to pull up the sketchbook he had brought in earlier. “He seems to think he’s done something wrong. And that he won’t see you anymore.” The sketchbook was pushed towards Tenzou across the counter.

Tenzou noticed that it was a new sketchbook. It certainly wasn’t one of the ones he had picked up at the store, but then again, Iruka went through his sketchbooks fairly quickly; the boy loved to draw. Tenzou flipped the first page open, and to anyone who wasn’t sure how to interpret Iruka’s scribbles, it would have looked like a mishmash of browns, greens and grays. But Tenzou knew how to interpret Iruka’s scribbles, because he sat with Iruka numerous times asking him what he was drawing and Iruka explained everything to him, pointing out what each scribble meant.

Tenzou’s face ironed out to a complete blank expression when he saw what was on the first page. He remembered that day very clearly. They were having breakfast and Iruka had been sitting on a pile of thick reference books on one of kitchen chairs eating his cereal. He had leaned over to reach for the cereal box, and the books he had been sitting on slipped. Had it not been for Tenzou’s reflexes, he would have hit the kitchen floor quite hard. That was the day Tenzou made Iruka his own special chair, and he still remembered how Iruka had jumped with so much glee, how impressed he was, how he really looked up at Tenzou like he was _a hero_. On the page of the sketchbook, there was a drawing of what looked like the Umino-Hatake household kitchen and Tenzou using his Mokuton to make a chair. Iruka was standing to the side with his hands up and a big smile on his face.

The next page nearly made Tenzou’s mouth twitch into an almost smile. It was the day Tenzou had first introduced Iruka to gardening, showing him the different kinds of flowers and plants that were in the Hatake-Umino garden and how they potted Iruka’s first plant. Iruka had drawn a pot and a plant, with himself and Tenzou standing beside holding a watering can. Tenzou had bought Iruka his own tiny watering can, the one that Iruka took care off with all the sincerity of a child.

The following page made something in Tenzou’s chest _clench_ and he almost shoved the book aside in a fit of irritation and emotion that he fucking did not need or _want_. Damnit, he had spent the entire time away on his mission trying to kill everything that he may have felt around Iruka and his childish ways, and now all he had to do was look at the illustration of himself and Iruka dressed in a cotton yukata, holding a yellow balloon with fireworks in the sky along with the rest of the _circus_ , as Kakashi had called them, and all his efforts went straight out the window. Iruka even drew them holding hands, with Tenzou on one side and Naruto on the other.

The next few pages had similar depictions, memories that must have stood out bright and clear in Iruka’s mind, like that day in the park, or that day in town when they had barbeque with Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji. Or that day when Tenzou had taken Iruka to the petting zoo because they were passing by it on their way to the groceries. Hell, Iruka even drew that one time when Tenzou read him a book by the koi pond. There were thirty pages in the sketchbook, and Iruka had drawn on both sides; there were sixty pictures. Each and every one of them was filled with moments that Iruka enjoyed the most. Tenzou knew that for the fact, because it was hard to forget how someone young looked up at you like you were the greatest thing on earth, when they looked at you like you were the world to them, when they looked at you like you were their anchor, their saviour, and the one person they could really and fully count on.

The last page was what made Tenzou’s temper, the one that rarely came out, flare. It was just a picture of him, with his short dark hair, the Konoha face plate and the jounin uniform. Tenzou only ever saw Iruka draw a picture like this once; it had been that day when he was in tears and begged Tenzou to let him finish his picture because he was drawing his mother and father, like he was afraid that he was going to forget what they looked like.

Tenzou’s jaw was tight as he closed the book. He didn’t say a fucking word. He simply picked up his mug and took a sip of his tea.

“That last one was from four days ago. He hasn’t drawn a thing since.” Kakashi rolled his shoulders back and right then, Kakashi looked too old for his age. “You’re all he seems to think about and he hides it. At three, he knows how to hide and pretend everything's okay —“

Tenzou could see the vulnerability there, how this new thing was taking its toll on Kakashi, the worry, the fretting, the not being good enough, the not being able to fix it, the being helpless and failing the ones that mattered thing.

It was a mind trip, in all honesty, and Tenzou would never figure out how one kid could turn not one, but two extremely seasoned warriors with guts of steel into dancing fucking monkeys who had no idea what to do with themselves. Kakashi was next in line to take the Hokage’s position and here he was, sitting in his goddamn kitchen looking like he was about to have a mental fucking breakdown. Over a little boy!

And Tenzou wasn’t any better, because once the temper flared, so did the panic.

Tenzou was fucking panicking because Kakashi looked like he was losing his shit, and Kakashi was just someone who did not lose his shit. When he lost shit, that meant that things were really bad. Tenzou opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out, and it seemed like Kakashi might have taken pity on him, because he gave the information that Tenzou needed to further conclude that the shit was truly bad.

“He started waking up in the middle of the night a few days ago to cry and apologise.” Kakashi gave a bit of a shrug. “Maybe if you just talked to him or something.”

“And say what?” Tenzou asked, looking around him and wanting to stand and pace but instead, he remained perfectly still and straight on his chair.

“I don’t know, Tenzou, but maybe if he just saw you, whatever this is will stop. I’m running out of the ideas. The snow outside isn’t working that well anymore. He doesn’t exactly talk about what’s bothering him either.”

Tenzou took a moment to study Kakashi, and watched him stiffen and suddenly look up at the kitchen ceiling. When Tenzou concentrated, he heard it too, a very distant irregular breathing in the deathly still and quiet house. Tenzou watched as Kakashi gave a soft resigned sigh and rose to his feet, moving towards the kitchen door way. He paused for a moment, posture stiff before he turned to look over his shoulder,

“I don’t know what happened but will you talk to him? Or at least just show your face.”

Tenzou hated to think that this grief was his doing, especially when he wasn’t sure why it would have been his doing in the first place.

“Yeah,” Tenzou nodded, surprised at how thick his voice sounded. “Yeah, I’ll be here in the morning.”

Kakashi gave him a nod and then disappeared down the hallway, no doubt to go pacify the crying child and try to lull him back to sleep. Those nights had been hard, Tenzou remembered, and were a test of patience. The fact that Kakashi must have been doing it frequently now was a testament to his patience and emotional strength. It took a different kind of power to care for someone so delicate and fragile where every day was an emotional building block to their character and psyche. If they fucked this up now, there was no telling what kind of effect it would have on the adult-Iruka. There was no telling if it would harm him.

Tenzou sat there in the kitchen by himself for a long time before he showed himself out.

Sleep evaded him that night more than normal because Tenzou was worrying the shit out his brain. If he had picked on it anymore than he already have, he would have been sent to the loony bin. He found himself soaking in anxiety, unsure of what the next morning would be like, and it was only at the crack of dawn that he managed to even get a wink of sleep, only to open his eyes automatically, like he just blinked for a long fucking time.

It was seven forty-five.

Fifteen minutes before Iruka usually had his breakfast. If things were well, Iruka would be washing up, dressing and attempting to comb his hair only to probably ask Kakashi to comb it for him.

Tenzou closed his eyes for a moment before forcing himself out of bed, and despite the reluctance, some thirty minutes later, he was standing at the back door of the Hatake-Umino household. From the window, he could see Kakashi preparing coffee. Kakashi waved him in before he could knock and Tenzou was closing the door when he heard the footsteps echoing down the hall.

“Kashi-san, Kashi-san! My pot has a —“ Iruka stopped dead at the kitchen doorway and looked like he was seeing a ghost. Iruka looked terrified and didn’t seem to want to move from his spot.

Kakashi and Tenzou both exchanged looks and Tenzou forced a smile to his face, taking a step forward, “Hey, Iruka — “ but stopped short when Iruka took a step back. Like he was afraid of Tenzou. Tenzou wasn’t sure why he felt sick all of a sudden, like his stomach decided to not agree with whatever food he ate almost twenty four hours ago (he didn’t have much of an appetite by the time he got home the other night). “Iruka, it’s me, what’s wrong?”

Iruka didn’t answer, he just kept staring at Tenzou and took another step back.

“Iruka —“ Kakashi moved, and before he could say anything else, Iruka bolted out of the kitchen.

For a moment, both men stood there like a pair of stumped idiots, Tenzou making a gesture at where Iruka had been standing earlier and Kakashi looking like he was indeed, truly, lost on the road of life. They both started down the hallway to follow Iruka up the stairs, down the hall and to the linen closet. Tenzou stepped aside because Kakashi went straight for it but found that the door was locked.

“Go away!” Iruka called from inside, and there was a pitifully loud sniffle.

“Iruka, what’s wrong? I thought you wanted to see Tenzou? He came to visit and have breakfast with us.”

“He’s mad at me! Please go away!”

Kakashi shot Tenzou a look and Tenzou just stood there, holding both his hands up because he had no fucking idea what the fuck Iruka was going on about.

“He’s not mad at you, Iruka. He came to visit to see you. Why would he be mad at you?”

“Because he is!” Iruka was practically cry-screaming from inside the linen closet and Kakashi was starting to card his fingers through his hair before he shot Tenzou another look -- one that was laced with irritation, a touch of anger, but most of all, defeat.

“Senpai, I did nothing, you were here that day, I’m not even — I’m not —” Tenzou was starting to lose his shit.

When Iruka gave a pitifully loud sniffle from beyond the door, Tenzou promptly lost his shit.

He moved towards the closet, and yanked the door open; he made a note later to get the door knob replaced. Iruka was looking up at him with his tear stained face and began to push further back into the stack of clean linen. Tenzou knew he had nowhere to go though so he stepped into the small space and knelt in front of Iruka.

“Iruka — “

“I’m sorry!” Iruka exclaimed, moving to cover his head with his arms; it was a defensive position and that had taken Tenzou aback completely. “I’m sorry!”

A look over his shoulder told Tenzou that Kakashi had a quiet fury swirling in his gaze; Tenzou wasn’t sure if it was directed him.

He reached out and gently tugged Iruka’s hands off his head, holding them down by the shoulders, and gently moving to push his hair back. “Hey - hey — listen! It’s okay, okay? I’m not mad at you, Iruka, why would you think I’m mad at you? Did you think I was going to hurt you or something?”

Iruka simply shrunk backwards even more, as if trying to dodge something that was coming his way.

Tenzou too, started to feel the rage. He just didn’t know at _what_.

“Hey, come here. It’s okay, I came to see you.” Tenzou said and automatically just tugged Iruka into a hug held him in place. “Let’s get you out of this closet, all right? We’ll go sit downstairs.”

Iruka couldn’t put up a fight even if he wanted to, but eventually, he relaxed from his stiff and guarded self and remained pliant against Tenzou’s shoulder, hiding his face in his neck. Tenzou remained sitting at the kitchen dining table, with Iruka against him and having a staring contest with Kakashi. No one said a thing, no one moved, until the coffee in both the mugs had long gone cold and Iruka made the first movement.

Iruka brought a hand up to rub his eye.

That was when Kakashi gave a nod and Tenzou made the first move.

“Do you want to try to have some breakfast, Iruka?”

Iruka shook his head.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Iruka hesitated, his gaze flicking at Kakashi for a moment before he shook his head.

On cue, Kakashi made a show of drinking his cold coffee and then took the mugs away, standing and giving his back to the pair. Iruka wasn’t going to talk if Kakashi was around, apparently, so once the mugs were rinsed, Kakashi walked out of the kitchen making sure that Iruka could see him. What Iruka couldn’t see however, was the fact that Kakashi had cast a gentle genjutsu and he was in fact simply standing by the kitchen counter, arms crossed against his chest.

“Kakashi’s gone, Iruka, do you want to tell me what’s wrong now?”

“I’m sorry.” Iruka said, looking up at Tenzou from under his bangs.

Tenzou sat Iruka on the kitchen table and placed his hands on his shoulders. “What about?”

“I made Tencho-san upset! But I fixed everything, Tencho-san! I covered the holes in the ground and I watered plants! I even cleaned my stuff and put away my toys! I didn’t disturb the animals! And I ate all my food and brushed my teeth! But maybe I did something else and I don’t remember so I am sorry Tencho-san! If I made you mad! And — and I’m sorry if I hurt you too!”

Tenzou felt the words stumble on his lips. “H-Hurt me?”

“Tencho-san is not a replacement! Tencho-san is my family too! Look, look — “

Iruka started to struggle, pushing himself off the table. Tenzou carefully moved to lower him to the ground and was surprised when Iruka took his hand and dragged him to his play spot by the window, knees skidding across the wooden floors as he pulled the sketchbook Tenzou had looked through the other night and opened a page where Iruka had drawn everyone, including Kakashi and his mother and father. He pointed at the picture he drew of Tenzou, who was standing beside him and holding hands with him.

“Look!” Iruka pointed and Tenzou stared. There was nothing else he could do but stare. “Tencho-san is Tencho-san! He is not Mama or Papa or Kashi-san, Tencho-san is Tencho-san! The one who showed me how to take care of plants! And to be a better man! And Tencho-san took care of me when I was sick and showed me many other stuff — “ Iruka flipped the pages of his sketchbook and pointed at one of the drawings that depicted him and Tenzou at the carnival. “— Tencho-san is special!”

Tenzou had no idea what to do with himself, he could only remain there, where he was kneeling on the floor and look at Iruka like he was some sort of weird human being from a whole different plane of existence. Nothing about what Iruka was saying made sense, Tenzou wasn’t mad, he didn’t even know why Iruka was making a big deal about something that wasn’t even worth making a big deal about. And all this talk about replacements, that Tenzou was special, that he was family — it was a distressed child’s talk.

And yet.

And yet Tenzou couldn’t help but feel the strangest feeling in his chest, like something was cracking, like roots that were threatening to grow and fill the cracks of dried earth, pushing things apart to make room — it was almost a little like suffocating and his initial reaction was to get up and walk out. But Iruka was staring at him with all the innocence and sincerity of a three year old. Kids his age didn’t know how to lie, they only knew how to speak the truth and this, to Iruka, was the truth. There were no pretenses being made. This was just Iruka speaking what was in his mind, no matter how warped it may have sounded to any adult.

Or at least, it sounded warped to Tenzou.

He was still not getting it.

“So, I’m sorry if I hurt Tencho-san’s feelings! I’m sorry if I made Tencho-san leave home because he was upset! I’m sorry you left because I did something wrong — I’m really sorry!”

Iruka looked like he was fighting back tears and then it hit Tenzou.

Like a fuckton of giant bricks.

The reasons were warped because they were the only reasons this three year old was able to comprehend. Iruka was observant, Iruka was intelligent — hell, children were fucking scary and ridiculously perceptive. Iruka pulled all those reasons, went through them meticulously all because Tenzou had stormed out all those weeks ago in his hurry to get the fuck out of the emotional roller coaster of taking care of a child?

Well, no wonder he had been feeling like a complete tool.

Subconsciously, he knew he must have done the wrong thing with storming out the way he did. The half-assed goodbye he had given Iruka back then was not even an excuse.

“I love Tencho-san too! Like Mama and Papa! Because Tencho-san is nice and isn’t mean! Tencho-san is caring and works very hard, just like Mama and Papa! He is one of the best! Like Kashi-san! I am sorry I hurt your feelings! I am sorry I didn’t tell you before!”

Tenzou could feel something warm between the bridge of his nose, like a cold was coming up. It was working in sync with the tightness in his chest. It was quite foreign and if he really thought hard about it, it was the same feeling he got whenever he watched Kakashi and Team Seven interact, like they were a real family together. Except this was amplified fifty times over. Because here was someone telling him, the man who pretty much had nothing to lose, who saw himself as nothing more than a tool for the village, that he was family, that he was loved.

That he meant _something._

Here was Iruka looking at him like he was actually _special_.

And it was bizarre and almost _painfully foreign._

“It’s okay.” Tenzou said, voice thick as he reached forward and tugged Iruka against him.

He was glad he had his back to Kakashi. He was glad he had his head ducked, because Iruka had successfully, and unintentionally, managed to inject a fuckton of emotions right into Tenzou’s systm, and he was stuck there with no option but to feel it; that warmth and tightness in his chest that spread all over him, seeping right into his bones.

“It’s okay Iruka, I understand now…”

When Tenzou pressed his lips to the crown of Iruka’s head, he knew that the gesture was pretty much an admission of how ridiculously attached he was to the boy.

He was indeed, royally fucked.

 

—

 

Kakashi felt like he could breathe again.

And he was willing to let his conclusion stand that children were a total mystery.

It took a while but after some mild coaxing, Iruka agreed to sit at the breakfast table and managed to eat some of his chocolate toast. It was a slow progression within the first hour, with them sitting there sipping coffee and both of them watching Iruka eat his breakfast. But with a bit of prodding, and a bit of encouragement, Iruka started to speak halfway through his toast. It was about little things first, like questions about snow and why was it that it was only their house had snow and nowhere else.

And then like a switch, Iruka started to talk about how his sunflower pot had sprouted a bud. It was the one pot that Iruka kept staring at the most so he didn’t know that Kakashi had been gently infusing the seed with chakra to help it move along in its growth phase. Iruka went on and on about how he wanted to make many more sunflower pots, and how it would probably attract the bees and how the bees would make a home in their garden and how they’d have fresh honey every morning.

Kakashi found himself watching Iruka with a distant fondness, openly looking like he was a school boy in love. He was so happy to have this much energy filling the house again and one look at Tenzou told him that his kouhai was feeling the same too.

They spent the day like that, watching Iruka play. Tenzou had erected a slide over a pile of snow for Iruka to play with and Iruka could not stop jumping up and down. He had rushed up to his room and came rushing back down stairs dragging all his winter clothes to put on so he could play in the snow. Kakashi could not stop the laugh then, as he carefully pried Iruka’s hand away from where he was struggling with one of the buttons on his parka.

When he secured Iruka’s boot in place, and tugged the hood over his head, he cupped Iruka’s flushed and excited face and gave him a warm pet on the head.

“You’re all set.” Kakashi said, closed his eyes when Iruka leaned over, kissed him on the chin and turned around with a happy squeal to throw himself into the snow.

The dogs joined the fray a little while later, throughout lunch and until the sun was setting. They sat there with coffee and tea, watching Iruka roll and tumble in the snow and get chased after the dogs up and down the slide.

It was hours later, when Iruka was ushered back into the house and left to soak in the bathtub with a few wooden toys that Tenzou had made for him that Tenzou finally broke the silence. They were both preparing dinner.

“He’s a smart boy.”

Kakashi’s gaze flicked up to the ceiling; he could hear Iruka laughing and talking to himself in the bathtub while making imaginary play scenes with his toys and bubbles. Pakkun was keeping an eye on Iruka and Iruka was loudly conversing with the summon.

“Yeah,” Kakashi said, turning his gaze back to the noodles he was preparing over the stove. “Sometimes, Tenzou, it makes me wonder…”

Kakashi would wonder sometimes how he had ended up with someone like Iruka, why Iruka even stayed with him. If he had any doubts about Iruka’s true nature, the few months Iruka had spent in this form, albeit chaotic, had proven that Iruka truly was a good person. Even as a child, Iruka was well connected with other people’s emotions. Kakashi couldn’t even think what he must have done in his life to even deserve someone as good as him.

It was ridiculous.

“He’s good for you, you know.” Tenzou said, reaching out for some of the button mushrooms and chopping them into small pieces.

“Apparently, he seems to be good for you too.” Kakashi said and kept his back turned to Tenzou. “You know, you don’t have to feel like an intruder. You know you’re always welcome here, even when Iruka isn’t like this.”

Because Kakashi saw the expressions cross Tenzou’s face in a way he has never seen before. And he had known Tenzou for almost half a lifetime. They both go way back, through wars and missions and Konoha’s destruction, and now even this. Kakashi knew who Tenzou was, and why he liked to keep things simple; Kakashi practically wrote the manual on how to not get attached. But Tenzou had always been a touch bit more delicate than most. No matter how he holed himself up in layers and layers of strong barriers, or how he seemed to be alright with his current life, at the end of the day, nobody wanted to be alone.

And Tenzou had chosen to be alone for a very long time.

“Senpai — “

There was a light thump and Kakashi was about to open his mouth to encourage Tenzou to come over more frequently, and how he was thinking that with December looming close, Iruka would probably enjoy trying to plan some New Year’s thing and how maybe they could really light up the sky as bright as they can with fireworks.

In seconds however, Pakkun started barking in alarming successions and wouldn’t stop. Kakashi and Tenzou looked at each other and in unison, the knife was set down, the stove turned off and they were rushing upstairs in a heartbeat.

And that was when Kakashi felt his soul literally being ripped right out of his back. Iruka was nowhere to be seen and when Pakkun started barking out how he was in the fucking tub. Kakashi and Tenzou rushed forward, and right there, at the bottom of the tub was Iruka, unconscious.

It happened so fast, with the boy being picked up from the tub and laid out on the floor. Kakashi pressed his head against Iruka’s chest and fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck he should have not left Iruka alone in the tub, he should have sat there, for hours if he had to, until Iruka got tired of playing. He should have never simply left his summon to watch because that was not good enough, he should have been there and _he should have fucking been there, goddamnit!_

Kakashi felt a sharp sting on his shoulder and looked up to find Tenzou shaking him to focus, and like a switch, Kakashi started to perform chest compressions. Iruka’s chest was so small that if he pressed any harder, he was going to crush the boy’s fucking ribcage, and he wasn’t moving. Fuck, Iruka wasn’t moving. Kakashi was vaguely aware of Tenzou losing his shit, of his voice raising and turning to ask Pakkun what the flying fuck happened.

Iruka had tried to stand up apparently, to get out of the tub because he was done. He didn’t listen to Pakkun, apparently, and had slipped and hit his head on the corner of the ceramic tub. And he inhaled all that water —

“Iruka!” Kakashi snapped, feeling his eyes blur and his heart drum loudly in his chest. He barely recognized the sound of his own voice. Nothing was fucking happening, Iruka should have coughed out the water by now and Kakashi had to wonder if maybe it was the jutsu’s fault, that maybe there was something in it that none of them were aware of that was not making Iruka respond to basic first aid. It had to be the goddamn jutsu, that shit of a jutsu that had utterly no business existing! It had to be.

Shit, shit, shit, this was his fault, this was all his fault. Kakashi felt his eyes start to burn, there was a stuffiness starting to form in his nose and his throat. From the corner of his eye, he could see Tenzou stumble backwards towards the hallway, he could see Pakku scamper out to get Sakura, he could see a lot of things, but all thought seemed to have just left him because Iruka was just lying there on the tiled floor, not moving, not breathing, and fuck, _he did this_. This was all his fucking fault and he was starting to get too desperate. A little more force and he would feel the ribcage under his palms giving way —

Then just like that, there was puff of smoke.

And Iruka was coughing and turning to his side, gagging out bath water.

Iruka was also very much an adult and looking utterly confused, pushing himself off the floor on an elbow, blinking away tears from how hard he was gagging. Kakashi remained unmoving, staring at his lover, who was finally back to his normal self. His lover who was alive and looking at him with the most worried face because Kakashi looked like he had died on the spot. Like he had truly lost _everything._ And there, standing behind him, was Tenzou.

“Guys…” Iruka coughed, clearing his throat. “What’s wrong — what happened — I — “

Kakashi scooped Iruka off the ground, wrapping his arms around him so tight, and burying his face into Iruka’s neck. Somewhere behind him, Tenzou had leaned against the wall in the hallway and slid down in a heap on the floor, staring at the mess in the bathroom.

Kakashi didn’t dare move from his spot, didn’t dare separate himself from Iruka, not yet, not when it felt like he nearly lost him. And even when Sakura and Pakkun finally showed up, Kakashi still didn’t move.

 

—

 

Getting the Godaime to agree to fully seal all related scrolls and data about the jutsu that had two of her best men turned into a bunch of emotionally incapacitated morons was surprisingly easy. It was probably a good thing that the scrolls were sealed. Tenzou knew he could rest easy knowing that something like this was never going to happen on Konoha’s soil again. Tenzou sealed it himself and handed the only key to the Godaime, who was going to be the only one with knowledge as to where it was going to be hidden.

Tenzou stepped out of the office and headed out to the street when he found Kakashi standing outside one of the book stores.

“Senpai.” Tenzou greeted, approaching him with his hands in his pockets. “It’s done.”

“Good.” Kakashi nodded.

“Waiting for someone?”

“Iruka is picking up something for the Academy.”

“Ahh…” Tenzou nodded then and took it as his opening to leave the couple to their devices. It had been a rough week, trying to recover from the incident in the Umino-Hatake household.

Before Tenzou could take his leave, Iruka stepped out of the bookstore, cradling a stack of books. Kakashi carefully took some of it off him before they ended up on the pavement. 

“Tenzou-san! Good evening! Oh goodness,” Iruka huffed, mist forming in the cold air as he adjusted his satchel and the rest of the books in his arms. “It’s nice to see you. We were just heading over to Ichiraku for dinner, would you like to join us?”

Tenzou flicked a look at Kakashi, who tilted his head to one side, an offer of silent invitation. Tenzou would have accepted, but he felt it was not the right time to get in between the two. Besides, his new shipment of _Hatsukoi_ finally came through, and he had an entire season waiting for him in his apartment.

“I actually had other plans but I’ll take a rain check on that ramen dinner, Iruka-sensei.”

Iruka smiled. “All right, then. Well, we won’t keep you from your plans. It was nice to see you, Tenzou-san.” Tenzou almost blushed at the sincerity of the statement, both from Iruka and Kakashi as he cleared his throat and dipped his head.

“Senpai, Iruka-san.”

They parted ways, but it was Iruka’s voice who called out a few feet away that made Tenzou stop to turn.

“Tenzou-san, please be here at New Years. Kakashi and I will be expecting you at our house. I hope you can make it. Naruto and everyone else will be there too.”

Tenzou met Kakashi’s gaze then and remembered what Kakashi had told him almost a week ago before everything went to shit and found himself smiling a touch openly at the couple.

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

 

 

_FIN_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD It is finally done! I am done with this story and I am almost ashamed that it took this long but I am done! Initially, I remember planning 3 chapters. And that turned into seven.
> 
> Welp.
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT ALL THIS TIME!


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